The ER and Bad Porn Dialog

I spent about six hours at an emergency room last night, not for me or anyone in my personal life but to keep it short and simple part of life when working with special needs foster children. Now normally when I am working with children I do the pure conservative, ok relatively conservative, adult thing. But since most of those six hours I was not actually allowed to be with the child this left alone time in sort of in gray area.

Well the doctor who first saw the patient I was waiting on and dealing with started up on and off conversations with me. Now I would love to say he looked like George Clooney and have a story of crossing off a fantasy on my list but no that is not the case. He was though plenty handsome enough to get my attention. The doctor was probably in his early forties with black hair in a military like length. He was tall probably around 6’ 3” and while a little too thin for my preference he had a really cute face and great eyes and great eyes can always get me wet.

We were about four hours into a dance that was going nowhere but at the same time was all cylinders firing. Because it was so on and off with quick burst of dialog followed by longer bouts of not seeing each other as he clearly chose his job and helping people over talking to me, which being the saint that I am was ok with. But I was getting frustrated because I just did not know what he was thinking outside he clearly was spending most of his free time he had with me.

He is in middle of getting a divorce which was a big part of the problem. Four hours into it I had a cute guy, who had day time hours free and was in the middle of a divorce so probably only looking for some fun time between the sheets. My problem was I tend to be a quick I am interested here is my number or bed them that moment type of gal and I could not figure out if he was flirting for a goal, just being nice or he had no clue what he was doing. I think now he was wondering why would the married woman flirt and is she because this is an ER and the situation was not lend itself to flirting.

I finally I decided I had to up the stakes but was at a loss what to do. I was not dressed anyway that I could show him that way that I was his for the plucking in the future and I had no idea how long I was going to be there and did not want to be stuck if I said something stupid or got shot down. 

But nothing ventured is nothing gained and unfortunately what happen next reminded me of bad porn dialog. Amongst the lowlights of the conversation these are some of the things that actually came out of my mouth:

“I love hard things.”
“No I have never done a triathlon. I prefer more private things that work up a heavy sweat.”
“Everyone should get their needs taken care of even if going through a divorce.”
“I am a full service social worker that enjoys happy endings. Would you like some of my help?”
 
I hate being out of my element/comfort zone. I left the hospital feeling like some young teenage girl trying to flirt for the first time and thinking I acted like a complete fool. But I did leave my number for him and he sounded like he would call and I do not think that part I sounded so desperate so I will see what happens. But how many triathlon training cute and funny doctors who are in the middle of a divorce so all they probably want is casual sex that have afternoons off are there?

Porn: The Isolation Effect

Human beings have a natural habit to imagine everyone is like themselves. We like to think what is interesting to us will be interesting to others. What we think others think as well. We often go to such an extent that people who outwardly are not like us are often feared and picked on often and to the extreme.

One of the areas this plays out is when we try to put ourselves in someone else’s place. We often just put who we are and what we believe and think instead of how the other is actually different and why they might do something that very well will be different. Most of us do this on a daily basis without thought and often clueless when this incorrect perception is acted on even when it blows up in our face.

When it comes to the sexes there has been one giant misperception that men have with women on this level which is if a woman like sex too much they are not to be trusted. In other words sluts are bad and only good for casual sex. Why do so many men over the centuries think this way? Because they put themselves in a woman’s shoes and think if I am attractive, sexy, doable, fuckable or whatever the term I can get laid whenever I would want. So how could a woman who has had enough sex to know she really likes it be able to be faithful to me? Let us face it if you asked a guy if tomorrow he was inside the body of Megan Fox the first thing they would do would probably sprint to the nearest lesbian bar.

Another issue men have projecting is because they are visually and physically stimulated on a sexual basis then they think women are the same way even when they intellectually know that is not the case. Men are first attracted to a woman’s physical appearance and then go from there. They then take that and put that back onto a woman but with their skewed philosophy. In other words they want a hot girl that is good in bed and then they want this and that. So again in trying to put themselves in place of a woman over the years many men somehow believe the man that best fucks a woman wins her heart. This obsession of needing to be the best she has had sexually comes from thinking that might be the only way to keep her. This once again plays into the more my wife was isolated the better chance she will not leave me.

So then what does this have to do with porn and isolation and the answer is both of these things are leading many men into insane and idiotic beliefs.

Watch porn and the male ill thought out beliefs are re-enforced. Every porn has pretty much every woman always fucking at the drop of the hat. Most porn has women become horny and insatiable at the look or feel of a big hard cock. Infidelity is also big in porn and even forced infidelity feeds into these beliefs. How many porn scenes see a wife of some guy coerced into having sex and then thirty seconds into the scene they are acting like they are having their greatest sexual encounter ever? In porn most of the women are dressed in sexualized ways and of course getting laid seconds into a scene makes a connection that dressing sexy is trolling for cock. Porn has every woman taking huge cocks up their pussies and asses therefore sluts must be drawn to big cocks and have loose pussies and gaping assholes.

So watch enough porn and the image of a cock crazy slut has no ability to control herself sexually from a guy with a hard dick and promise of a good lay. Now does that make porn bad just because of that, no it does not. But the problem comes from the men who watch porn all the time and then throw into the mix isolation from dating and other social activity.

We as a society have become not only increasingly isolated that many of us rarely interact anymore with people we do not know. For many a lot of their socialization comes off the Internet and this allows people to indulge in the safety of being with people who believe what they believe and prevents exposure to different people, different ideas and different experiences. This has lead to many men now that their only input with women is by watching porn, reading exaggerated, fictitious or one note lacking overall perspective message boards, chat rooms and blogs filled with sex and little else. Real life interaction is with co-workers where we tend to think of them as asexual or hearing about their failed relationships and divorces where of course the gender we hear about the other gender being wrong.  

So porn and ever increasing isolation is creating a new group of men who are cut off from meeting and dating actual women and seeing friends in real life date actual women. They are failing to see women in the diversity and the multi-dimensional aspects that they are. All the input they are getting is from the sex things on the Internet and much of their social interaction is with men exactly in the same boots thinking the same thing. That too many women are immoral sluts and cannot control themselves or love a man and be loyal but of course men still crave a loyal woman to be with because getting dumped is always bad and for men lonely and isolated that thought really stings. Because after all they are not losers because they spend most of their free time alone on their computers filled with sex but they are winners waiting for a virtuous woman to recognize how great they are.

So the porn/cyber sex has become for too many men a too high of percentage of input on what one thinks a woman is in modern times. This combined with the ancient and probably forever thought of if they like sex and can get sex they can leave me has lead to much more angrier men towards women which then feeds on itself increasing the odds they stay isolated and lonely.

Power of Football

I am not one of those persons that if I do not get something or find something completely not interesting to invalidate others who do including the opposite gender. I am somewhat stuck in the crossroads though when it comes to football. I like football enough when I go to a game, my college team is on TV (rarely over the years because they are rarely good) and I can usually make it through one game on the weekend when Rock watches them including the obligatory blow job I give him during it. 

But for the life of me I do not get what is so fascinating about the NFL Draft. I am not saying because I have no idea that this does not have some entertainment value for fans but I would not think it is so awesome that it holds such attention and focus. But such was the case Saturday afternoon.

Now I normally enjoy the NFL Draft. We have sort of a fun tradition with it. Lips, Sweetness and sometimes Rebound come over to our house and as the men start out watching the thing Lips and I have our sexual fun. Then after several hours the men get bored and we get to include them in our fun. Then we would have a nice BBQ and see if any guy was up for some dessert.

But this year they changed the start of the draft to mid afternoon which made us change our plans around or it just might have been time to do something different. Sweetness and Lips arrived just before the start and while Lips and I had our fun the men preferred football to any sexual fun and then we went out for a nice late dinner. They had to get home so we left without the boys enjoying themselves at all.

I do not know it could be Lips and I are so easy that they can easily pass on the opportunity or because the relationship dynamic is so secure they know there will be a next time and a next time after that. But really the NFL Draft over sex even for a few hours? As I told Rock for me to accept this premise he needs to accept the premise of a woman needing more then a few pair of shoes.

Miscellaneous Items:

-When I started this blog I envisioned a mixture of talking about sexual things that are going on in my life and in the past, some big picture talking about sex and some serious that can cross over to dark for some sexual aspects. I think I have pretty much done that for the most part. 

As I go forward I am guessing it will be more of the same. But I will warn people I have no intention more out of ability then anything that this blog will be filled with descriptive sexual situations and acts. I have no interest in writing about every time I have sex with Rock or a regular but more about unique times and when my mood hits. I do plan though on writing about new people in my sex life. 

-I have had some private messages “suggesting” I should not write about or reference my sexual abuse past or my dealings with sexual compulsion mostly in the not appropriate for a blog like this. 

One of the things I really like about blogs both in writing mine and reading others is I have no responsibility to anyone reading this. If you like what you read you will continue to read if not that is great as well. I refuse to get caught up in the try to get as many as I can to read this or get enough people so I can make money putting ads on this site. I have an ego like any other human being so I would like at least a few to read this blog but I will write it on my terms which will be topics ranging from pure titillation to pretty hard core bad shit.

-By far and away anytime now that I have written about my stripping is when I get the most private and positive feedback. I am not surprised as that is often what people like me to talk about in real life as well. 

I enjoy writing about my days and hope as a collection I offer some variety to what else is written on the subject. I have no shortage of topics on this subject to write about and could do it everyday for a long while. But I am sure there are hundreds of blogs on stripping and I do not want to be one. I will continue to write about the subject probably in the frequency I am now doing for awhile which has been about one entry a week.

-In general and in specific to the previous two notes, I am heavy into to psychology and sociology from my school studies and work I do. In addition I have had to become more intellectual as a person for developing life skills over time in my life. I tend to then write in such a manner. Not offering up excuses for doing so and I think it can add to a different view on some things I write about. But by no means do I consider myself an expert on anything I write about or mean it anything as all knowing advice. If it comes off that way sometimes I offer no apologies for it but my intention is to vent or put out my opinion and some information for those interested to think about not to take as gospel.

-I will be starting a new short series of entries on porn and the impact it has on people. For the record I am not an anti-porn zealot. But it does have impact in several areas in life that I am very much interested in writing about.

-There will be no pictures of me in this blog. I am thinking of putting a picture of me seeing my back as my blog picture but that will be it if I do that. I have posted several pictures of me in the past at various places to only have them stolen and used at least three different times. I do not care that much that happened as much as I got pissed off when I would get accused of being a fake because of it or what men wanted me to do to prove I was not when I could care less what they thought. 

I stripped for six years and do not have any thrill of posting pictures in cyber to get attention and compliments.

-I welcome anyone to write whether public comment or private messages that want to talk about something or ask me something in more detail. Men please though do not write thinking I will send you pictures or hook up with you if we are in the same city at sometime if you send enough friendly emails that your attempt at establishing some sort of friendship will bare fruit. I welcome messages I do not welcome ulterior motives.

Common Question VII

Do you ever feel uncomfortable fucking men at your home when your husband Rock is there whether is in the same room or not?

No, simple, next question. Oh detail? For those who read and remember some of the things in this blog I have written about my past let us just say I have few or no personal emotional boundaries. The only boundaries I have are ones that I observe others have and have been taught but since they are basically intellectual they are basically voluntary on my part. I could literally get it doggy style by VP Biden while eating out the Pelosi in back of Obama while he was giving his state of the union address. I might not enjoy it or be aroused but I would not have trouble or feel uncomfortable except for knowing it would be bad and uncomfortable for all those watching. I know, not a pretty visual to use!

The biggest problem and totally understandable is that the men are uncomfortable. This is the biggest stumbling block to having regulars if they like what we like an ongoing fairly open booty call just as long as you come to our house.

We are not opposed, done or will not do in the future of having me meet men outside our home on a continued fashion but I have found these rarely work out for me in terms of lasting. Single men want too much of my time with a lot of girlfriend experiences. I am not opposed to this and enjoy it many times but not always or often when I am hooking up with someone regularly. I have a husband who I enjoy being social with and I am not needing a date on Saturday night.

Married men tend to be the opposite where they expect me to jump through a tiny window of convenience for them at the drop of a hat. Again understandable but I get laid by the love of my life on a daily basis and I am not out on the prowl just to get some sex but to have enough sex and I am not going to interrupt and change my life because a man got a free half hour window. Now if he has a free afternoon and wants to see how many times he can get it up that is another story!

I have found that regulars comfortable with it just being sex and can handle doing it at our home to be awesome but not easy to find. Most others that I have done more then once or twice they generally have a very small lifespan as the need or logistics make it not conducive for us through no one’s fault.

SC: Why a Woman Becomes a Stripper

Stripping Chronicles - I will occasionally write on my life and times when I was dancer and what I learned and got out of it. I have found that all types of people are always asking me questions in particular about this time in my life. Although the industry likes to emphasize the occupation as a dancer, for ease of communication I usually just go with stripper.

First two notes:

1) I am writing this from my recollection of an old term paper I once did dominating my thoughts. I will try to be brief (and fail) and to avoid psychological terms but I also reserve the right to have big holes in this as well.

2) All of this is based on women who strip successfully as a profession whether short or long time. This excludes all the women who test drive it for a rebellious kick, social science/psychological case study and/or book material fodder and those who tried but could not handle it in some way. This includes many who state to others false reasons they got out who just could not really handle it.

One note reasons

I have probably heard enough shallow one note reasons as to why women take off their clothes and dance and grind on men for a living. Many have truth in them from small to a big amount but none can serve as an all encompassing reason. Here are some just off the top of my head:

1) The money and hours are great. - I mean we all cannot be doctors or lawyers. Most people including strippers are not all just about the Benjamins. Also, I will not pretend the money is not real good but the rumors and guesses tend to be quite over inflated. Some super featured stripper in some big city club is not the average stripper nor is every night some jam packed night full of men wanting to loose twenties. 

2) They need more money then they can make elsewhere. – Most have that as part of a reason but many people fall into this definition and do not take their clothes off.

3) Childhood abuse and neglect, low self esteem and just being dumb. – I grouped all these together for my answer. Strippers go into their high school career fair or meet their guidance counselor and they suggest this occupation once they find out we have at least one of these things. Many people have these issues and obstacles and choose not to do anything like this to even going far off in the other direction.

4) They are proud of their bodies and being a woman and feel empowered to show them off. – Feminists going too far the other way then their normal it is degrading to women thoughts. (This by the way is ironic since the people who most degrade strippers are women who think of themselves as feminists.) I never have seen this as a reason at all for a stripper. Is their some attraction and proud exhibitionist for some, sure, but women power is not a reason.

5) Poor morals – Some people do not live such a luxurious lifestyle where life choices are as simple as moral judgments or not. For those who think they have it tough and it still comes down to it then I suggest you are not aware of many other levels of tough.

6) Addicts – Rarely did I ever see a hardcore user. Casual to hardcore party players’ sure but not addicts. The reasons being fairly obvious, our bodies are our livelihood and addicts are not reliable. The affects of hardcore drug use is not going to get covered up in makeup and missing shifts is one of the automatic get your ass fired things. Now alcoholics we had more then our fair share of those but again far from all.

Why then?

The best way is for you first to get in the proper mindset. Most are not really asking why but are really why we were able to become strippers. It is a job just like everyone else’s. We show up do something that if we were not getting paid would probably not do. An accountant chooses his profession out of being good at numbers and being comfortable working with them. A salesman likes dealing with people and does not take comfort sitting at a desk all day long.

The fact is like all other people who do something not all dancers are built the same. We have many similar characteristics to a wide vary of degree that overall make us who we are and what we are capable of doing. If you hate numbers and are bad at them you are not going to hack it being an accountant even if tomorrow accountants got paid like movie stars.

The following are factors to a varying degree most dancers were motivated and helped them deal with being dancers. They need not have all or it to be a huge factor but overall they have many of these to a varying degree and at least a few in a big way that lets them cross that line. Many of these factors overlap and compound each other but I am listing them separate for ease of reading and for trying to convey a real life snap shot.

1) The need for significantly more money then they can earn elsewhere. – Low paying jobs cannot pay the rent, food, transportations costs and medical bills. Whether completely on their own, going or trying to go to college all on their own with no support or having others depend on them, many a dancer has had the financial math come back that did not allow a job at a fast food place. I cannot begin to tell you just how many dancers started out or still are caretakers and main or only income producers for abnormal family couplings. I am not just talking about children of their own but siblings, screwed up or sick parents, nieces and nephews and grandparents. It is the college coed who has no financial support and has to decide going to a legit school or dropping out and working full time and at best a community college. Partial scholarships, grants and student loans do not pay as much as one thinks. 

Now you might be thinking to yourself I know some strippers they seem to be tripping over the money. Sure, but remember younger siblings grow up, maturity comes and they realize they cannot save their drunk mother. Plus there is for many who do work hard no middle ground. Regular jobs will pay very little and dancing can pay a lot. There is no middle option for most.

2) Distance either emotionally and/or physically from their older family members. – To take off one’s clothes for a living means being stereotyped and marginalized in society. Most know a little about that going in but will certainly learn it soon after. One close with their parents to where this will get thrown into their faces is a big thing to overcome. Many strippers do not stay in contact with their family, their family is not near the city they work or they just flat out do not care what the family thinks. 

This is one of those things you can never get by just talking to a dancer. Like everyone else there is a combination of biological connection and what society wants us to project. Most people will automatically say they love their family. Heck I probably have never said a good thing about my parents what little I now remember of them but even to this day if someone, including Rock, says something negative about them my first reaction is to become defensive.

Everyone acts like they love their family and being around them but of course that is not the case. The next time some big family holiday comes up see how many people where you work look like they are happy to be seeing their family or wishing they could and how many make light of it or talk about cannot wait for them to leave.

3) Feel like an outsider already – There have been few head cheerleaders and homecoming queens that go on to take their clothes off for a living and those who do I would bet they would tell you that what they were back in school felt more like an act then anything else. As I wrote above to strip for a living means being stereotyped and marginalized and people who care how cool or popular they are and who they hang out with cannot do it. That is not to say women who were popular in school do not become strippers but again it is about FEELING like an outsider. 

I will never forget my freshman year dorm experience with all the looks and snide comments I received by my floor mates, the guys not knowing what the hell to say or act in front of me especially when other women were around or washing my outfits in the laundry facilities. Make no mistake you are treated different by everyone.

4) Minimal to no emotional boundaries – The lure of money is always tempting. The thought of dancing and a little exhibitionist type fun can sound like fun to a young woman who has never been in a strip club but the reality of actually doing it is quite different. At some point you are dancing in a lewd and naked way in front of strange men who when drunk can be mean. You have to do private lap “dances” and none of these are like what you like doing at the bar with your friends. 

Strangers will act in a variety of out there ways. A dancer will be exposed constantly to bad and often offending things and victim feeling like actions and there is no running to mommy or daddy. Security is going to get the man to leave, maybe, but that is it. Too much of a fuss or retaliating gets your ass fired and if that eats away at you there is no way to last in the business. Most with boundaries already destroyed call it business as usual. 

Think of it this way a dancer at the minimal shows up to work wearing a barely there bikini while everyone else is dressed normally and then proceeds to take that off every hour and so for a few minutes. A dancer can do that without even blinking and that is not a normal behavior.

5) Childhood abuse or neglect, usually ongoing for a significant period. – This is always a very touchy subject for many. Strippers are well aware of the stereotype and hate being diminished by who they are by being defined by past abuse whether true or not. At the same time many childhood abuse victims who never stripped state the sad statistics of just how high this number is and therefore claim it must have no bearing because they have such a low opinion of strippers and despise their issues being in the same conversation.

The truth is most of the factors that I will have listed hear can easily come from a dysfunctional and abusive childhood. A child grows up as an outsider, no family support financially or emotionally and normal boundaries are just guesses. The fact is if you get past initial defenses of a dancer and they open up a very high percentage suffered abuse of some type often emotional or sexual at the minimum and it was more of the ongoing type then one or a few traumatic experiences. 

6) Low self esteem. - One of the go to one note excuses and most dancers have it. But I would like to point out self esteem is not a one note thing. Often people have self esteem in some aspects of their lives and might be missing in others. To think low self esteem is all consuming a person and therefore a dancer is misleading. One might think they are crap as a significant other but think highly of themselves in their profession for example. 

I found most dancers are not getting self esteem boosts because they think of themselves as physically unattractive and like the applause and money that says otherwise or they think of themselves as dumb and can do nothing better. Most though that suffer from low self esteem think society does not think much of them or care before they ever take off their clothes. Of course more times then not caused by a life with #5.

The unfortunate part for many dancers who will not depart the life better then when they came in it is that a strip club really can feel nice to many of us that are feeling me against the world that does not give a damn and just uses me up. A club is in a way a safe place where we are with other people like us or like being around us and treat us in both a way that is nice but still in a way we are comfortable with that is less then regular people do let alone grasp. For many coming from crappy pasts normal is scary as life gave us skills sets to handle non normal and people are afraid of the unknown not the known.

7) Fight part of fight or flight – Dancing is not for the timid. Women who are timid just will not make enough money, cannot handle it or get played and used up quickly. The ones who make it tend to choose fight when the fight or flight response gets engaged. In fact the whole dancer friendships and working together relationships can be the strangest thing to see or try to figure out because most are of the fight instinct.

8) Sex is not all romantic – Not really a specific factor but important to discuss but not make like it is separate. Dancing requires leaving romantic connections to one’s body either buried somewhere deep or thrown out all together. Stripping can be a good short term boost to self esteem, it can feel empowering being the center of attention and having the ability to control men of all types and be a way to make some great money that can make a dancer independent for the first time in her life. But it is a man’s world inside that club and the lifestyle around it. It means sex is not tied into romance and being sexually objectified. To paraphrase a song, “I know what boys like. Boys like looking at my body and using my holes”.

Sex is everywhere in a club even when very little is talked directly about sex. It is a commodity that is being packaged and sold and it is deeply devalued compared to the more romantic notions some have of sex. I am sure it is possible but I never personally saw a dancer that had been around long enough that deeply attached romantic notions to sex.

In the end

Women who become strippers and stay in it longer then a moment make a choice to accept being different and looked down on by society as a whole. This and the actual ability to take off our clothes in front of strangers and be reduced by people as mostly about sex requires personality traits and life experiences that are far from one note or strict type paths.

Most dancer are not man hating greedy bitches or timid, dumb, weak and poor decision making drug addicts that come from a life of being a victim of abuse that could not figure out how to just say no and that would have fixed everything.

They are often women just like all others that are complicated with a mixture of nurture and nature leaving them with tough no win options and try to do the best they can. Some do great and some do badly and everything else in between. Just like other people.

Date of Destiny

Fifty plus hours of no Rock to touch and spoil and counting and my thoughts drift back to our first date.

While serious I had little to no expectations of meeting someone when I filled out my profile on a kinky sex personal site. I was still stripping and knew the odds just from that made the chance of any actual serious connection to be remote. But I tried it anyway and put in my profile rather direct that I was looking for a man who wanted to actually acknowledge sex was important and to be put out front in the relationship and could objectify me on a severe level on that aspect. Rock’s profile was of wanting an extreme acting slut that would have many partners.

Now at the time I thought of myself as a monogamous woman and even today part of me still thinks that. At the time reading his profile I had never heard of what was a hotwife and my thought when I heard the word cuckold was of a wimpy man who sucked in bed so his woman stepped out on him and chastised him for that and I certainly had no interest in that. But his message to me oozed passion for all things slutty and sex and Rock still came off as a level headed serious guy. 

Everyone I have ever talked to about online dating that have had positive results for the most part have said the same thing, that from the first message they knew there was something there. Whether from some connection or the feeling and passion conveyed in important areas that from the start there is little doubt in our minds we are getting a real person and not a cyber created version of someone. That is what Rock and I had with each other. From the start the words came effortlessly to type or speak. Topics went from normal to detailed sexual ones with mutual ease and interests from both of us. The word natural always sticks in my mind like we were two long time friends with no secrets between us.

We met for lunch a week and a half after first contact on a Saturday. We lived four plus hours away so this was about as quick as it could have been. We did the whole meet in public lunch thing like good meet in cyber safety people. I even had not rearranged my work schedule which had me working that night, although I had aligned up a friend to substitute and clear it with the boss just in case.

I will never forget seeing him as I walked toward the door where he was standing. Pictures can lie sometimes because of the one who sends them and sometimes because they just can. His pictures had not done him justice. I have one body type that always does it for me and Rock had it. Athletic is cool, skinny sucks and fat ranges in between those two but thick in a not too muscled but not too flabby, tall and black and my panties are instantly soaked. There is just nothing not to lust after about that combination and Rock had it all. There is nothing not to lust at about a man that towers over me and when fucking me missionary style feels like he is absorbing all of me into him. His arms were huge and his hand matched his body. I was in deep trouble right from the start.

Now there are three types of men that go after strippers. 

1) The sexually repressed or troubled man. These are men that can only marry and think of their other in a Virgin Mary sort of way so sex is for dirty women and strippers are dirty. They treat us like crap and most dancers avoid these losers at all costs. These are also the men fooled into delusional thoughts they are going to rescue the poor dancer because their cock only wants to act in a noble way when they are really just after young pussy.

2) The laid back casual looking wanting to just have a good time, not just sex, guy. They are not looking for anything serious and enjoy being around women that sex is so out there. They can treat a dancer as a woman who happens to strip and enjoy and accept being in and around that way of life instead of just thinking of her as a stripper and little else. Dancers love these guys and they can usually get all the pussy they can handle.

3) Guys who are open to in fact going after a long term relationship. These are open to or just flat out attracted to strippers because they have sex on the brain and/or have had bad relationships with sexually repressed/low sex drive types. This group also includes men with abnormal occupations that are often stressed filled that look for a woman that gets it and understand and does not mind sex being often a stress relief outlet for them.

So which was Rock was what I was mainly trying to figure out when we sat down for lunch. This need to know which had me trying to check the sexual urges and play harder to get then my normal personality and actions. On the other side of the table Rock was trying to be the perfect gentleman and show he care for all of me and not just about sex since we met on such a site. 

I lasted roughly a half hour with my mind still having coherent thoughts. Rock was one of those special men, the guy who exuded that special quiet confidence. That special way of no agenda, self boasting or manipulative goals with his words but just words of conviction and integrity no matter what the subject from admitting something embarrassing to his biggest sports achievement as a kid. The type of guy that ask for a blow job in the same confident yet classy way someone might ask for one to pass the ketchup.

Roughly a half hour in is when the mind stopped processing information and just started to have filthy thoughts of this man in bed. Rock insists that I engaged him in quality conversation for the rest of that lunch but I really do not think I could have and he is just stayed committed to his lie over the years now when we talk about it. The lunch lasted about an hour and a half and at which time according to Rock I said exactly “would you like to come back to my apartment and fuck me silly”. 

I remember driving back to my apartment with him following behind being afraid he would lose me or just decide I was not worth it and drive away. Of course he did not and once inside there were no more sentences to be spoken or heard as we immediately went at it like animals in super heat. There was no softness/making love and there was not emotional intimacy being nurtured it was frantic, hard and animalistic. He did not grab a tit to arouse me but grabbed it because he damn well wanted to. I did not suck his cock to please him I sucked it because I had to taste it or die. It went fast with no written erotica embellishments like his hard cock worked me over for an hour before unleashing its load and must of lasted not more then twenty minutes from the closing of the door to us looking into each other eyes and thinking hell yeah!

The afterward while waiting for round two my brain came back and realized this is a guy I just might be able to fall completely for and I most certainly placed the call to my friend to let her know she could have my premium shift for that night.

Chicken or the Egg

Spark or the horniness?

Had a poor convergence of circumstances happen to me starting this week. Rock left to go on a business trip and Rebound much too why I nicknamed him Rebound found a girl he is infatuated with and therefore will no longer use my body for his sexual needs until next time he is completely single. Shock said he would try to come over sometime this week but I could tell from the words he sounded like I should not hold my breath. On top of that I have various regular stuff that has a lot of my time this week that even if I got the desire to go out looking for a good time is somewhat limited and I try to be careful in doing that.

I am not a Craiglist type slut. I feel I am often torn between the two realms, the group that takes their time and lays a foundation before partaking in sexual pleasures with others and the adrenaline need now quick and basically anonymous. I refuse to do the place an ad and meet, fuck and go our separate way thing. Too close to my history and battle with sexual compulsion and safety issues. I think people get behind their computer and lie too often that without meeting them off guard or take the time to see them when they let their guard down you are really throwing the dice.

Now I am not judging those who do this even remotely. I have a long list that will continue to get longer of all the quick spontaneous blows and fucks I have done and many more picking up a person and into a bed with them shortly there after maybe an hour or so of talk. I know that in the end that this is just splitting hairs.

But I like and feel more comfortable with out there meeting first then turning it into something sexual over the gearing sexual and just that only or ending up sexually after meeting them but where both have invested in making it sexual. There is some pressure in that to me at least.

I like the spark determining things. Whether a innocent casual conversation turns into afternoon tryst or two people are so physically attracted to one another that the words seem to be only slowing what we both know what is going to happen down. Granted that only happens on a rare occasion but a girl can fantasize.

So I am stuck with my hands and some toys for most of this week for my sexual fun. I started to write this entry based on the poor substitute masturbation is to the real thing but got a little side tracked. Well for another time…

The Way to Make Cookies

Had one of those weekends where there were more things to do then hours in the day. Nothing all hotwife and sex like, sorry, but just between work related stuff, spending time with my little sisters and some social obligations with Rock left little chill out or have any type of fun despite that the weather warmed up a little. In fact Rock and I did not even have sex on Saturday which has probably happen only a handful of times since we have known each other where distance or physical health has not been a factor.

Anyway, it was Sunday night and I was scrambling in the kitchen making homemade chocolate chip cookies for Rock as it is my tradition to make him cookies when he goes on a business trip which he is on for most of this week. ;( I was wearing a short canary yellow dress with just tied shoulder strings for support holding it up. I looked like a real old fashioned 1950’s housewife if they were not wearing shoes and hand no underwear on.

Shocked knocked on the door and I invited him in. Shock would be an acquired taste and when I mean by that is not many women would care for him but we get along perfectly. Shock is not a big talker in anyway and when he is over he is over to fuck. I know that and I love that about him. When we do talk we often talk about movies we have seen as both of us tend to be intellectual when talking about films so we often bore other people. Tonight between him seeing me busier then I normally look he showed up at a time he normally just gets down to business but tonight he talked some. 

We talked about the movie Flashbacks of a Fool. If you like a movie where it does not flow that well or build up to really anything special but some great individual scenes along with a melancholy story it is a very good but movie more after the fact then when watching it. Plus sexy stud Daniel Craig is in it!

Enough sidetrack, anyway why Shock is perfect for me is he only wants to fuck me and he loves it hard, fast and rough. Shock also is perfectly comfortable with the arrangement of sex only and does not care if Rock is home or not. This is the great thing about regulars that the ones who do get it and embrace it can treat me like their own personal sex toy. So in a way, the opposite of Rebound treats me.

Well after about ten minutes of talk Shock had gotten my dress off me and was sitting in a chair next to the kitchen table. I was sitting in his lap letting his hands roman over my body getting us both aroused plenty. Unlike the writing of fiction sex life’s little inconveniences happen like we both wanted to fuck with the kitchen table being the setting but no condoms in the kitchen. So I proceed to walk at a quick pace to the spare bedroom where the quickest source of condoms were and back. 

By the time I was back Shock had gotten his pants and boxers to his ankles and I dropped to my knees to give his cock some oral attention before slipping the condom on. This is when Shock gave me the pleasant reminder of how much I like my life. Shock just grabbed my hair pulled me up and grabbed the condom from my hand. He then bent me over the kitchen table face down, put on the condom and started to fuck me very hard and very fast. While he was fucking me I held onto the table for my great ride while shock held my hair always tight and more the occasionally yanking my head back pretty good. No multiple position or sweet nothing type talk just one position pound away and he came but not until I had a really great orgasm.  

Then within five minute we were both dressed. He was out the door and I was back to making cookies. Now that was a fun way for my last weekend project to go!

Common Question VI

Have you ever had sex in a car since you were a teenager?

I enjoy a lot of fun play in cars but have not had a lot of sexual intercourse in cars. I have a mental trigger/issue that doing something sexual in a car because it is the only place or driving someplace private to do something will not work for me.

On the other in the spur of the moment or in a lust filled way I have given many blow jobs in parking lots and other places. I have had intercourse in a car as well both parked and while going but call me boring I have a preference for comfortable surroundings when fucking.

Now Rock and I when we get bored while driving to and from someplace will get quite mischievous as idle hands are the devils playground or something like that.

But my favorite times that have to do with a car are on occasion we take weekend trips with Sweetness and Lips and do what every two couples do and the manly men sit in the front and us women sit in the back. Just us women happen to enjoy making out and masturbating each other for a large portion of the trips!

Bonus question: How well do you receive constructive criticism?

Depends if it taps into my emotions or not. If it does I can go very dark if I do not catch myself. Pretty much someone might think they have come to a knife fight and I respond with a nuclear bomb. In a fight/flight defense mechanism I do not play fair.

I have issues that can be quite severe and that includes self esteem. I am harder on myself then anyone else can be. So this becomes about a survival skill learned from childhood that is not for healthy mature adult consumption.

If it is a criticism that does not go into the emotional area I am very good at taking constructive criticism. I have a thirst to learn things and have a natural tendency to think there is a better way or what I have done someone can do it better.

Get Real

Thinking about some of the games, lies and clichés the genders churn out about each other from reading this blog entry from The Errant Wife and the entry she was inspired to write her entry that I have no interest in giving the man free advertising although you can click on it from her blog.

Here are some random things off the top of my head.

-Yes, that woman always showing a lot of skin could be a cock crazed slut. She could also just be always hot or just an attention addict who might be only a cock tease that has hardly any sexual experiences. By the way that quiet woman over in the corner dressed for church could be cold and frigid she could also be the biggest slut there and has done things to make a porn star faint but does not need to advertise.

-The year is 2009, that girlfriend you have that is well into her twenties or older, do not believe for a second that your load was the first she took in her mouth if she tells you that. Just understand she really likes you and be grateful she is willing.

-Guys if you are too obsessed with rocking your girl’s world the odds are you are not going to rock their world because you are probably going to stress her out with your expectations.

-Love for a man and their sexual performance with us is only one part of a female’s sexuality. How we feel and feel we look can be critical as well and not dependent just on our man’s view but other people and women. There is a reason why women dress up more in public and that does not make them a slut or an attention whore just because.

-Often when a group of men go to a strip club together it is the married men that do not want to leave and the single men having to drag them out despite what they tell their wives. The single men think they can come back anytime. The married men do not know if they will ever be back.

-Women have sex drives. Men who think their awesomeness turns nun like thoughts of a girlfriend to porn like thoughts seek psychological help. Women are well aware of just do the slut but marry the virgin male thoughts and many when wanting to settle down will play coy with their sexuality, preferences and experiences. I do not see any winners here myself between the men who want that and the women pretending to be that.

-Size and girth does matter to a certain extent for most women. It just not the biggest or the fattest means much if anything at all for most. Most women while it may vary, do have a too small or thin base level. But for most other factors including how do you use it makes almost all men range from good enough to oh my.

-I have wiggled on or just flat out fucked many men in my life. I do not buy into the theory that black men on the whole have significantly larger cocks then white men. My only judgment is that there are fewer black men with cocks on the smaller side.

-Not every or even many or a few white women attracted to black men because of size or other sexuality myths. People are attracted to people for many reasons such as non racists open minded people might be attracted to other open minded non racist people or grew up in melting pot places and not just surrounded by our own race.

-Cum on our face, tits and other body parts is not particularly hot for most women. For many of us though the man who finds this hot and enjoys it that reason can make it hot for us.

-Men cumming too quickly can be a problem if it is standard operating procedure but a man cumming too quickly on occasion can be hot if it is because I think I got him that hot and bothered. Just as a man that takes forever to cum is not always cool and can sometimes make us feel we are not doing it for them.

-Yes, a screwed up chick with self esteem issues can be a freak in bed. They can also be completely normal (whatever that is) in bed and be too afraid to ever bed another. Men you are almost just remembering the sex with the screwed up sex, forgetting the normal and of course never had the one afraid.

-I have never had cum taste so bad that I could not handle it in my mouth or swallow it. Cum in the mouth and swallowing it is more of a psychological thing then anything and if the head believe something then it needs to be respected and changed with effort and patience.

Directness

To meet me in person I would be like a quirky TV character. The person that while not attempting to be rude, blunt or make others uncomfortable I have a faulty filter in my brain processes where I tend to me more direct and honest to people then most are use to or comfortable with. I also prefer this in how people deal with me.

I am not a fan of the political correctness of people wanting something but instead of just asking or going for it they hint, skate around it and other passive actions which all they do is put the burden on the other person. I just hate it when people cannot be direct because of their own issues or they somehow think it is for my benefit.

This is especially true when it comes to sex. Rebound is a great friend and basically family. He is going to make an incredible husband to a lucky and smart woman someday when he stops dating crappy women. Rebound is all romantic, considerate and completely faithful when dating a woman. But he cannot be direct about anything and especially sex. I have been fucking him whenever he wants just weeks after meeting Rock. I have spent weekends exhausted from his stays over in our home, been his date to several out of town wedding weekends and on and on. I have never turned down his cock for any other reason then being under the weather or needing to be someplace else. Yet unless I am basically nude or initiating with him, Rock or I have to give him direct go for it messages.

Yesterday early evening I was returning home after doing some things and Rebound was waiting in his car in our driveway. He comes in with me and starts talking and I can tell he is itchy. I also know between knowing him so well that he is horny as hell and is there to get serviced but he has informed me he needs to be across town fairly soon. But he cannot come out and just ask or make a move and since I am dressed very ordinary in jeans and a conservative blouse I am not exactly oozing I would love some cock. But Rebound has known me for so long and knows my default mood is I would love some cock. 

Part of me wants to punish/train him by not making any sexual overtures toward him but of course most of me has already gotten aroused by the promise of a good stiff dick and heck he is practically family. So just as I stall and ignore his passive hints enough to where he is getting a little uncomfortable I give in. I get up from my chair, walk to be directly in front of him and drop to my knees. I then unbuckle his belt, open the button of his jeans and slide down his zipper. I LOVE doing that. One of my favorite things is undressing my sex partner and hate when the man starts taking off their own clothes. 

Anyway I get his jeans and underwear to his ankles and proceed to lose my blouse and bra while giving Rebound a blow job. I give him the quick cum type as he is in a hurry after all and within a few minutes he is cumming. Feeling a little naughty and thinking Rock should be home soon I direct his cum to the top of my tits. A few minutes later Rebound is out the door and we part with two people smiling and me wondering when or if he will ever learn to know it is all good with me.

Rock gets home about thirty minutes later. I greet him as he walks in by just still wearing what I had on when Rebound left including his dried cum but I just put on some four inch heels for affect. Rock’s reaction is to give me a bear hug and to kiss me by immediately shoving his tongue hard and deep into my mouth. When I met Rock I did not know what a hotwife was and even wanting to be sexually objectified I still cannot get over just how cool moments like this are for me to feel. No matter how many times I do something I still am somewhat shocked at how great a reaction I get out of Rock. Cook his favorite meal is cool but blow a guy just before he gets home is super cool.

When done kissing, Rock inquires about dinner and when finding out I have not started it tells me to get my ass ready because he is going to be fucking it soon and proceeds to give me a hard slap on my ass as I head off to do just that. 

People that is what I call direct and arousing!

SC: Tips on Giving a Lap Dance

Stripper Chronicles - I will occasionally write on my life and times when I was dancer and what I learned and got out of it. I have found that all types of people are always asking me questions in particular about this time in my life. Although the industry likes to emphasize the occupation as a dancer, for ease of communication I usually just go with stripper.

I did not do any Google search but I imagine there are probably at least one million web pages that will give better descriptive and detailed tips then what you are about to read here. I am throwing my cheap advice more as simple cliff notes version that just remembering these things and doing them will pretty much guarantee making your man happy. I will not write about specific moves and positions as I am sure they are everywhere.

Most things I have read over time on giving a good lap dance come from two perspectives. The professional who gives tips based on just that doing it in a club. Or the woman giving tips for the wife too give a dance to the hubby. I would say my advice is a hybrid of the two. I believe most men prefer a more distinctive difference then wife being wife like and of course without the restrictive rules of a club want more then just a club dance.

I will break my tips out into two areas.

General lap dance tips

- It is not foreplay even if it is entirely about foreplay. Most doing this in private are trying to mix things up a little or give your guy a pleasant and fun new experience. The biggest key in doing that is not to tie it directly to foreplay where the mindset and routine type things we all do can control the whole thing. Make the lap dance separate and an event. Giving a lap dance after you have been making out and feeling each other up loses much of the appeal a lap dance has on a man.

For example I will often give a lap dance to Rock or a man I am entertaining as a way to go from a regular life moment to an intimate moment. The reason why is my biggest general tip which is…

- A lap dance is all about the man and not about you. I spent six plus years as a stripper and men are not paying twenty dollars for a few minutes of what I want or feel but they are also not paying that money just to get to see a naked woman up close and depending on the state feel a woman and some moments of their cock getting touched by a female body part. 

Men do not want a lap dance as an expression of love or their woman just happens to be horny. A good lap dance is made up of three things. 

1) It is an expression that the woman giving it finds the man sexually desirable. This is the biggest things and what keeps strippers rolling in the money. It is this act played between the two to convey I am more then happy to act like you make me all hot and bothered. This is why it is critical not to tie it in with you just being horny wanting to get laid and he just happens to be your man. It is your man makes you all horny.

2) A lap dance is giving over your sexuality toward how the man is geared for. In other words it is not about emotional intimacy but about visual and physical sexual attraction. In other words showing yourself in a way that lets him know they can at this time sexually objectify you in the moment. Let your man check out of having to be what society and political correctness has pounded into his head and let him just enjoy it for what it is. It is not about you feeling sexy but letting them see you as sex personified.

3) It is guys the nude parts and sexual things are important too. But the key is to still keep it from being slightly disguised foreplay. Men are more like women then society like to portray them. A lap dance devoid of #1 and #2 will not make any naked body part or grind on their penis be all that hot. But all #1 and #2 and no body parts and sexual stimulation will also be bad.

- Either commit fully or do not bother to do it. This is especially tough the first time you may attempt giving a lap dance but it is critical. You are giving a performance and maybe more times then not it will be easy because you are feeling the things you are trying to convey but still even then you are going to naturally want desired feedback as encouragement. But you will not always get every time you do something you think you should get it and it is critical not to get discouraged or trail off mentally, emotionally or back off from your dance all together. 

For example you maybe expect to hear him moan or his cock to burst through his pants when you look him right in the eye and slowly and seductively lick your lips. But if you do not get any reaction you might get discourage and the trick is not to be affected that way. A lap dance is not a buildup to something but an overall sexual performance. Let the guy be himself and he will get worked up on his own.

Specific Tips

- Create a good atmosphere. This goes to my point of not making it tied into normal couple foreplay but also like we all know still have it be a sexual atmosphere.

1) Depending on other factors do it in an uncommon place or the normal place. If you are going for some special event type thing then a change from the norm can be good. If you are more going to try to exude just how horny you are for them then doing it when they are sitting in their favorite room in their favorite place can be huge as well.

2) Change the lighting. Dim the lights or turn on ones not normally turned on and turn off the normal ones but send a signal something is different and softer tends to always be better.

3) Always have music! What is the best to dance to is not what you hear when strippers talk about music they dance to. When we talk about that we are talking about stage dancing where we need to exaggerate our moves and give off energy for the whole room as well as receive it. This will always mean loud and faster beats. The best music for sensual lap dances will be slower and softer. For Rock and my regulars I keep a play list in my IPod that I refresh frequently and have plug in stereo box just for doing this.

4) Always act like you really want to do this for him. This is a critical thing with professional strippers. The good ones that are able to get dances from men and keep them asking for dances is to create that magical illusion of we want to dance for them and not for the money. But this is still important for the amateur. A good stripper will always smile and be happy and try to convey moderate excitement when asking if we can give them a dance and from then on until the dance starts. When Rock asks for some lap dances I never not smile or go ok in a monotone voice as I head off to the bedroom to change into an outfit. I will always smile and go off in an enthusiastic way.

 - Dress the part. Again dressed how you may normally be and doing a lap dance that way can be cool but it can also be tied into standard foreplay and about you being horny which is what I wrote on above. Try to wear something that conveys sex toy. It does not have to expensive or an elaborate outfit or some uniform and can be as simply as just some sexy lingerie. I barely wear any clothes at home when the weather is warm enough and when I get asked or I want to give a lap dance to Rock or one of my regulars I will still get up and change quickly into something that at worse helps change the atmosphere. Heels are very good to wear as well. You do not need stripper heels but guys do like us wearing heels. 

- CONCENTRATE ON GOING SLOW AND TAKING LONGER ON EACH MOVE! The one thing I would emphasize in a post that you can find similar information all over the Internet. Almost every single time a new girl first starts doing lap dances they make the mistake of going too fast with every move they make. Now for many this is nerves and for people doing this for your love one nerves you may not have but trust me there might be nerves and even if there are not you will not be as slow as you think you might be if you do not concentrate on that fact. I cannot begin to count the number of conversations I had or heard to new dancers that went “you need to slow down. You are going too fast through your moves.” “No I am not.” “Yes you are” “No I am not I am being careful” “Yes you are, trust us!” This is not to say changing up your pace is not a good idea but even to do that you must recognize first if you are actually going slow or supersonic.

- Make sure you are always in control. For professionals the reason is for security but for private this again becomes about not making it foreplay and to keep conveying the “I am all hot and bothered for you”. Obviously getting your man all worked up is a goal and the lap dance is for them but letting them touch you where they want for as long as they want can defeat the many good things a lap dance is suppose to convey. Taking a man’s hands and placing them on your tits is a very hot thing for a guy. Do not toss that out by letting them just latch on and not let go. Give them a taste and move in a way that makes them break contact then go back and place them on again a little later in the dance. Do not let them pin you down if you are doing some dry humping. The lap dance is the seduction and the tease for the sex to come.

- Maintain eye contact frequently. Even if they are not looking at you if you are facing them make sure you are looking at them. Always make the dance about them in their minds.

- Always smile. Again about making the dance be about them and how you are enjoying doing this for them.

- Change up the routine and customize based on their reaction. Whether if you are to frequently give your guy lap dances or an extended lap dance session this is important. It is very easy to get into a routine and go through the motions. Most bad strippers have only 1-3 patterns to their lap dances that they act in a robotic way and the trick for a guy to spend all his money on you is him thinking the next dance will be different in some way. This advice is good for the home as well. Change up the combinations.

- Do not forget to touch yourself early and often. This one of the time old tricks professionals do to help sell the illusion that most men come to a strip club for, the illusion of a pretty woman finding them sexually desirable and wanting to dance for them and not for the $20. Many strippers the first thing they do before going into a dance or initiate body contact will fondle their tits. In fact, one trick is when performing a lap dance to the man that the first time he sees our breasts exposed up close and personal that he sees that our nipples are hard. Some dancers if they think they got a guy with money to spend might make an excuse to leave the guy in the VIP room before the next song starts up and go someplace to get them hard even to the point of running an ice cube over them. It just goes to help sell the illusion quickly. 

Men love seeing women act like sexual creatures and pulled away from always projecting love when sex is involved; this plus the always irresistible horny for them makes touching ourselves in sexual ways to be a great go to thing to wind them up. Just do not linger or put on a masturbation show as that is distracting. Another common move is when a dancer is taking a break from body contact with a little air dancing is for us to place one or a couple of fingers just inside our panties like we are playing with ourselves. 

- There men, massage their cocks. Inevitably as long as you have created a sexual atmosphere where a guy can get into it he then pretty much considers a good lap dance to be about how much and how well body contact he gets which is code for the cock being directly stimulated. Now my advice is opposite somewhat compared to the professional and the amateur. Professional are not “allowed” to touch the cock with our hand, mouth and pretty much be overt to anything touching it. Now most good lap dancers have a ton of techniques that push to break the rules in this and that includes ways for ourselves to give them a little hand action. But for amateurs I recommend little hand action as it can represent normal foreplay. But the bonus with the amateur lap dance you can be overt as you want. Any body part will do legs and feet are the most common but believe it or not the top of the head really drives the men nuts and your lips of course are a winner as well. Dry humping is a big go to but be careful to use it as a move among many and not some main thing.

- Last by not least leave them hanging when the song ends. When the song ends most strippers will go back to a move the man seemed to really like or one of those rule breaking ones that they all like. Of course we do that so they will want another dance. But this is good for the obvious reasons when done for our guy. Whether for another dance or moving onto more standard foreplay best to leave them with the happiest and horniest thoughts!

Remember to have fun and embrace being the sex toy for your guy! I know they want and appreciate those thoughts greatly.

Dressing to Feel Sexy

Well I had wanted to write about this topic when I was able to dress in one of my favorite ways. But since spring is being a big crybaby and not coming out and warming up where I live I decided to bribe it by talking about what I enjoy wearing during most of the year when it is actually warm enough.

Now my favorite thing to wear is a light summer dress. I prefer ones that are mid thigh to knee level and shows off a decent amount of cleavage whether from the front or side can be quite cool as men love seeing skin they do not normally see in places. Summer dresses can be very comfortable fabric and very easy to get on and off. They are also perfectly acceptable everywhere but with lots of possibilities to entice. 

Now I am not an exhibitionist in terms of getting turned on by showing off my body or doing sexual acts with people watching. But I am not blessed with having mixed feelings of enjoying men are checking me out and being also pissed off because they are staring at body parts. I just am of the enjoying part there. Outside of my volunteer work or some proper party the summer dress is warn sans bra or panties. Bra, well my breast mostly filled with silicone has other benefits and panties because the way it makes me feel and the ability to flirt.

I like wearing a dress like this because it feels both proper and like I am basically naked or can be in a second. This good and naughty dichotomy I really enjoy feeling in my head. I also have found dressing this way is a great way to attract and flirt with men. Nothing like bending in a way so a man can see the nipples or sitting and crossing the legs to give to let someone know I am shaved down there. I have found men like summer dresses a lot more then shorts and t-shirts and the flirting aspects help the bolder men actually hit on me.

I also love dresses because it encourages men to play with my pussy when I am wearing them unlike shorts or pants and there are great times to be had when without removing a stitch of clothing to have a cock going in and out of my pussy. 

I also love sarongs. I have found that the men in my life like me a lot when I am wearing a bikini top and a sarong, usually partially transparent, and nothing else around the house. Now you can also wear a sarong covering your breasts that goes down to mid or short thigh but I do not care for that other then if hanging out in a bikini on a beach or boating and going into a waterside bar or restaurant. To me I feel wearing a sarong like this is just like wearing a bath towel. But I do like wearing it as a long skirt. It then has a natural slit that goes write to the waist which is great for showing off a leg.

I will pretty much always wear the bikini top and sarong only bottom whenever there will be male only guest in the home or repairmen type people come by. I will put on a bikini bottom along with the sarong if I am going to run a quick errand instead of just changing. Depending on the place depends in how I wear the sarong. I really like them because of their flexibility.

My next outfit is to make use of the bikini bottoms and I will wear those and a male tank top preferably white. There is something about nipple indentions on white fabric that makes them pop out more. Tank tops are great braless again because you basically cannot help but flash your tits at people and men again love side boob. Instead of a bikini bottom I will also wear just panties. What is good about this outfit is that my men seem to think it gives off the impression I am horny, like when am I not, but at the same time just throw on some shorts and I am ready to go someplace outside. The male tank top just makes the front baggy as opposed to a woman’s and allows the flashing which in a weird way since I am often just wearing a tiny bottom that this focuses men to play with my tits.

The first few years when Rock and I were together I would also around the house just break out sexy lingerie and wear that around all day. But that just felt out of place like I have never got my day started or was trying to start my night too soon. I still do it on occasion or at least partial days starting in the evening but it is more just to mix things up then anything else.

Well now that I talked about it maybe Mother Nature will let us have a spring so I can start actually wearing my favorite clothes!

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder if we will ever have a spring this year. Someone told me this weekend that long term reports had us skipping spring all together and one day summer is going to pop up. I live in a place where summer is very hot and humid, I need some spring days!

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a low sex drive. To not think sex when the question of “what would you like to do?’ comes up. Then I see other people who apparently would rather do anything else but sex and surveys answered like I would rather go shopping then have sex and I feel very fortunate I am not like those people.

Sometimes I wonder what my life will be like when my looking sexually attractive to other people is gone. I am not one to obsess over aging and this happen sometimes but sex is such a big part of my life and it cannot last like that forever. I hope things will be fine but it still pops into my head on occasion.

Sometimes I wonder when I am in a crowd or a room with many men I start going man to man in my head and think about what sizes their cocks are, what they taste like and how they would feel inside me and how they would fuck me. This has turned many a boring time and space to being quite ok to suffer through.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like where there were no sexually transmitted diseases and with birth control pills people did not have to worry about having unprotected sex. I have never heard a man prefer a condom over natural but I know as a woman I sure love feeling and seeing a man cum inside of me. It is both a physical pleasure I get out of it but also a psychological one almost like that is how it is suppose to be done. 

Common Question V

As an adult, the youngest and oldest you have had sexual relations with?

Oldest was an eighty-one year old I gave a blow job to. I will not go into the situation as I will save that for a later time but it was fairly quick and just fine thank you. The oldest I have had intercourse with I do not know as I did not ask for his age but he had to be in his late sixties to early seventies by my guess. I was twenty at the time and it was ok but nothing great or bad.

Youngest not that big of a deal yet with my age, I am going type that while I still can, but when I was twenty-two I was given to an excited eighteen year old birthday boy for a very enjoyable twelve hours of fun as I helped him out with his virginity. Even as a teenager I always enjoyed helping boys with this very much and this was very much fun and cool. I do not think the boy/man had even gotten to first base before me!

Not Much of a Torpedo

Woke up yesterday morning by being lightly caressed by Rock that worked itself into for a quick bit a nice roll in the hay that is always a great way to wake up. Why quick because Rock was in his term “priming the pump” and he pulled out of me before I was about to orgasm for the first time of the day and had me finish him off by sucking him off. The reason Rock did this because he knew I was going to visit Navy man today and he thinks it is cute to do this when he knows I have a date during the day.

I was to meet Navy man for a late lunch so my morning consisted of the routine type things, meditate, work out and household chores. Getting ready for the date was semi-rushed due to the fact I am not the best at keeping time. I tend to be on time but it is more often then not a close call. 

Perhaps the combination of not yet warm but no really cold, in the middle of a workday not working is the perfect storm of making it difficult to choose what to wear. I wanted Navy man to not see me as a married fellow social worker but as a willing piece of ass but did not want to be so overt to make him or others not use to seeing someone yet with skimpy clothing on. I finally settles on a navy blue and white ( coincidence only) sleeveless shirtdress with enough buttons undone to try to get my tits to express “I need some attention” while not looking like a hooker confused what time it is.

I do not really get nervous when I go out on these ventures. I read and hear from other women when they go on regular dates or from other hotwives and it seem that some nerves would add to the excitement. I generally feel horny of course but overall I would guess I feel like more times then not fairly calm and collected. I usually know within minutes if the date ends with me out of my clothes or not and I think I try not to get worked up one way or the other so whichever happens is ok. But not this one as I was just excited and horny as all hell to do him and the hour and twenty minute drive took forever.

We met at a very nice restaurant which relaxed me as I did not feel like I was dressed in a weird way and was surprised as well. I had not distorted this man’s sexy piercing blue eyes. He must have to turn them away and I think why is he with me then. Now I can talk about social work and foster children all day long but not when visions of the man before me bending me over and fucking me are dancing in my head. But that is what we start out talking about and he has such a passion for it that he stills turns me on. I think to myself if I could just ditch my clothes now would be so much easier.

Lunch was nice and I did get him to talk about other things and flirt a little. As lunch was ending there was the usual dance in this circumstance, will he ask me back to his place or do I have to be more direct. Strike one happens despite hinting and flirting up a storm I have to be direct. Sometimes I will be more playful and do it in a more sexual way but when the flirting has not worked so far I just ask if we should go back to his place. Good news is he really liked the idea.

Ok three things always happen when arriving back to the man’s place. 1) They act almost like it is the start of a brand new date. 2) They act like you have already given the green light and somehow despite being many minutes in a car and in this case two cars that I am all hot, worked up and ready to go. 3) They are sane and understand they are getting the green light to try to go after it but need to warm me up before the big moves. 

Navy man was unfortunately number 1 and that was strike two. When we got back to his place I sat on the couch and instead of sitting next to me chose to sit in a chair next to the couch ugh! After about ten minutes of conversation and one maybe two confused people I decided it was up to me and in a now or never move got up and playfully sat in his lap. That is when the light bulb finally when on in his head and we started up.

Now I had a career of sitting in a man’s lap and wiggling so I kind of can tell a lot of things as I suspect most if not all women can. Well as we were kissing like horny teenagers and his hand all over my tits I kept on wiggling hoping to feel a nice hard dick at some point. While I did feel something I started to worry about the initial impression. It was time for a closer inspection and I slowly slid down to between his legs and started to get him out of his pants. When I finally cock to bare his cock and see that it was in fact hard as a rock I had unfortunately found strike three.

Now I am not remotely a size queen and I am the believer it is not the size but how am an uses it. But you still have to have enough size to have some options in how you can use it and unfortunately for Navy man his options were quite limited. But I am a giver, a slut or probably in some combination I was not about to hurt his feelings and stop as there was surely fun to be had so I started to give him some very enjoyable oral. Strike four as he came probably less then a minute. 

Well I am going to not drag this out. We did get around to round two where he showed he was quite capable of giving quality oral and that was great. I did fuck him or least I think I did, just kidding it was not that small but not where a woman could ever really feel fucked though. But by the time round two was over I think we both knew that this was going to be a one time thing. I am not opposed to playing with him again because he was really nice and cute but I do not think I would go out of my way though.

Got home and told Rock about my day and Rock ever the optimist pointed out I should be thankful for his gift and I politely reminded him I am grateful everyday for it and next time to keep fucking me in the morning!

Where the Boys Are

I have wanted to write about this since I started this blog. Please understand the following is based on my experiences that are based on my personality, issues and situation. None of the following is meant as advice or a how to but is nothing more then just a recap.

The following ways I find men to hook up with in no order of preference or popularity.

Cyber Sites

Good – A ready made target group. Hey anyone interesting in fucking a married woman, no strings attached? People tend to be more open about their sexual interests and can see if at least those match before we meet. I have found for actually cultivating regulars that at least simpler to broach the subject or requirements starting out.

Bad – Where to start… People just have very little ability to tell the truth in cyber. Whether it is something specific about themselves or what is happening in their life to be looking for a woman like me people tend to forget all their liabilities and create fictional assets. Married men in cyber think just because we are both married that by itself makes us a perfect match and often do not handle it in a classy manner when I disagree. The idea of stepping out on their other and getting laid is far easier to pursue then actually doing it. Too many times I have wasted hours on emails, instant messaging (always my personal hell) and telephone conversations so a guy could fantasize about doing the deed but get cold feet or just played me and often either disappear or stand me up when we agree on meeting.

How often – At this point I try to avoid having an ad in cyber as much as I can. Still I put one up once or twice a year when I am especially on the lookout for regulars.

Overall – It is painful but a necessary evil in my life.

Bars

Good – People who are horny and actually looking for real life can be found at bars. A lot more sexy foreplay and especially in a way Rock can enjoy by dressing in a come and get me boys outfit. You can get away with a lot more in bars then other places. You can dance and get practically molested and dry humped. You can place hands and feet in many fun places while sitting. You can do more of the wild things like blow a guy in the parking lot five minutes after starting up a conversation.

Bad – I hate drunks and I cannot stand fucking drunken men. Bars have too many of them. I prefer to get approached like most women and alcohol is liquid courage. Not the safest environment and therefore it is higher risk in several things that a life as a hotwife we cannot avoid but need to try to keep as low as we can.

How often – Over time for Rock and I this has become more of a special event type thing. When in the mood for some raunchy behavior we will go out or when I am in a dry spell I will venture out on my own. We can go months without doing this or do it twice within a week but this is more icing to the cake then anything else now.

Overall – Gives some of the best times for Rock and I but because of our age maybe and the risks we do not indulge this way.

Out in the world randomness

Good – My favorite bar none. Whether the enjoyment of going from running a mundane errand that a half hour later I am getting my brains fucked out or just meeting someone that a spark happens and begins a process that may or may not lead to sex there is something about finding these things when not looking that is very nice.

Bad – Very random and to depend on this would mean a lot of long dry spells. Most repairman, customer service people and just people out doing regular life are not open to a quickie out of the blue or in the zone to come on to a woman in a non pickup place.

How often – Completely random as I have gone months without even giving out my phone number and have had days where I have had multiple sexual encounters.

Overall – I think if these hookups never happen my life as a hotwife would mot be as nice as I have enjoyed. But I could also see wasting my life away trying to make this type happen more often.

“Work” related

Good – Well I do not technically work but volunteer my time for a cause very close to my heart. This tends to mean I am around others like that and of course that makes me like them and that is half the battle of if I will let someone fuck me. Since I am not paid people I am around are more aggressive. The social work world has a lot of workshops and my cause, foster children, I do a lot of workshops and seminars for them. Many people coming from another place and this has an amazing affect on their monogamy thoughts.

Bad – I do not mind a reputation of being a slut and unfaithful to my husband and it has obvious advantages. But I am far too often used or put in the spotlight of being a major success story. The aged out foster care child who spent some time homeless that went on to get and undergrad degree as well as a Masters degree. But compare to many how they could or would strip to be able to afford those things and marry a great guy that just happens to only want a total slut and was insistent that I do not work full time so I would have the time and energy to be a slut. I have always had trouble in reconciling those two things.

How often – In general, not all the time, avoid people I regularly deal with but this is a good source of my playmates and for some reason many of my female playmates.

Overall – it is all over the place. This way gives me some of my best times it is also probably the one I also struggle with the most as well.

Free whore (prostituted to a few of Rock’s customers)

Good – Pure sexual objectification that makes this always have a little extra spice in it. I like I can help out Rock by doing my part in making the customers like him and be loyal. I like how I do not have to work it or take the lead as rock and the customer do all that and for many that I fuck they think I am bought and paid for so they are just going to fuck me and enjoy it rather then trying to make the earth move and put pressure on acting for their benefit.

Bad – There is always in the back of my mind this could somehow explode onto Rock and be uncomfortable for him although he always laughs this off.

How often – Pretty rare as we do not do this for local customers so this gets limited to pretty much trade show/convention here and there. Some times a business trip I will go with Rock for this purpose.

Overall – I must say I enjoy this more then I would have ever thought. I think though it has the perfect balance of how often is limited enough to make it that much fun.

Swinging

Good – Other horny people who like sex with someone besides their spouse.

Bad – The whole atmosphere always feel s a little antiseptic. I just have trouble with relaxing and letting go how most of the play happens. Rock is really into me fucking other people then he is fucking other women. He on occasion enjoys another woman and is always up for Lips, but in general he has to spend a lot of time being distracted from seeing me getting nailed.

How often – Not much anymore. We tried it early in our relationship and still have some friends we made that we get together with in like private parties but this is no longer a thing we would classify as active.

Overall – Good source of willing bodies. Not the best atmosphere if you prefer one on one or more raunchy type atmosphere and things done from my experiences. Like politically correct fucking.

Friends that Rock gets to do me

Good – Rock gets to be in contact with people that they both know I am a slut who will fuck anybody. I not sure Rock would see me in the same way if he could not feel this from that. I am not saying major sweetie!

Bad – Have had some instances of awkwardness afterwards. Sure some enjoy it and come for seconds or more. But some it is just too weird. Overtime they are ok but Rock or I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable.

How often – Known Rock for seven plus years, the friends he has that he thinks would be cool with it have already been recruited and have passed or fucked me. Now an occasional person here or there.

Overall – I enjoy doing this for Rock. It usually does not make for the best sex, Rock is an intimidating figure even if not present. But have also established some wonderful ongoing friendships with benefits by doing this.

So there you have it. It might read like I get laid by different men everyday but that is far from the case. But it is nice to have such a wide variety in which I may find someone!

Same Old – Hell No

I am not one that gets bored as easily then most. If I like doing something then I pretty much always like doing it even if it tends to be exactly the same time after time. If anything I take pleasures in the routine things in life that are enjoyable. I am all for spontaneity and variety but I considered them added bonuses in life and not diminishing other things that do not have that.

I was thinking about this yesterday. Rock and I had a totally ordinary boring day for all practical purposes. The weather was cold and with scatter rain as spring does not want to come out. We did not do or have anything important to do and we just laid around the house. Rock was watching cars go around in a circle and vedging out which makes him happy and I like that. But him just on the couch watching a sporting event it is not if but basically only when I will get on my knees before him and give him a blow job.

But for days like this the term blow job is too simple and it goes more into the cock worship area. I am down there not so much for his enjoyment and him cumming but for my enjoyment of getting to feel, look, smell, touch and taste cock and not just any cock but my hubby’s. I love this routine thing that we do. I love how his pleasure and distraction of watching the game makes him last longer and allows me to play with his cock and balls in a way to maximize the time. I do not know how long I was really down there, but by the time I got his sweet delicious load in my mouth to savor and swallow my mouth was dry as a desert and my jaw was sore as hell and I would not have wanted it any other way.

If routine is boring then I am proud to be boring. We have been doing this for years with hardly any variation and I want to be doing this to him when we are in the old folks home.

Something More

I was going to write about how I go about finding men to play with. I knew I would though get sidetracked when I deal with men from online sources about what I decided to write about here.

One of my favorite blogs had what I found to be a great entry. In it she talked even though it is just a casual fun relationship she got emotional when with this person when things were just off. This has been on my mind when I was preparing to write where I find men. I am pretty much an open book and do not play games when looking which means if you have read this blog I like sex for sex and not for a lot of the extra stuff that goes into it. Often when I put up an online profile I will communicate this in a fairly direct manner and often a certain percentage of men think then answer my add means I will automatically do them which is of course not the case.

Now I know objectification. I enjoy it being done to me and was guilty of it in a bad way when my sexual compulsions were controlling me. One of the negative affects is someone like me objectifies people and despite men thinking it sounds cool, trust me men have a big problem with it. It is also quite ironic that someone enjoys being objectified has had to deal with negatively objectifying others.

But even a woman like me who likes being objectified needs more then a willing physical body. I still despise being lied to or mislead. I still want to fuck a person who I like and think is a good person and not someone who is a jerk and is scummy. I may want to be objectified by the people I play with but that does not mean I want a person who objectifies everyone.

So even for a recovering sex addict that being a hotwife is for sex does not mean any warm body will do.

On a side note I have been in near daily contact with the Navy man that I wrote about here. We are trying to firm up a date for me to go see him next week. It is looking like hopefully Wednesday or Thursday. Unless he totally changes I am so hot for his cock he going to find me the easiest lay when we meet.

Common Question IV

Do you do men that go behind the back of their wives?

In general I operate under the principle of if I do not want other people telling me what to do and therefore I will not do that and I am not the morality police from some agreed upon standard that I am responsible for another’s action.

I have no problem in fucking married guys. I only will not have a guy become a regular if he is married and his wife does not know and I will not put full force effort on a married guy if I flirt and he does not respond or stops when his conscious gets to him.

If you are looking for some type of justifications I will throw out some:

1) I would much rather be the outlet of a sexually deprived or just cannot keep it in his pants man then if he takes out his frustrations on a child. I was a foster child that experienced this first hand of a husband or wife not getting any from their spouse turning to the closet available option.

2) In my years as a stripper most men do not come to a club alone because they just like looking at nude young women or are “losers”. Most come because they are lonely and their spouses do not treat them like they are sexually desirable and important to them and will pay for the illusion of being smiled at and treated like the dancer likes them and wants to do something sexual to them.

3) Most people have affairs because something is missing and has been missing in their relationship for awhile. Whether their marriage is for all practical purposes over or they are happy except for their sexual needs not being taken care of either way the damage has been done that if it blows up on the person it is often just the catalyst and not the reason for the marriage going under.

In the end I am who I am and will be attracted to who I am attracted. I do not go out and seek married men over others but also I will not discriminate just based on that one reason. I offer up one piece of advice to spouses who do not want their other to cheat on them and that is to keep them well fucked!

Customer Service

For this entry I probably need to talk about boundaries and power to first. Rock and I have three situations where there is to be no sleeping around. 1) People in the neighborhood as that can get messy. 2) His employees and local customers for getting messy and potential legal problems. 3) Any situation that makes other non direct participants awkward, upset while seeing something directly that they would not expect to see. For example, if I was to dirty dancing with some guy at a very proper wedding reception or perform some sex act in a public place that anyone could see. A blow job in the parking lot of a shopping mall would be a no as anyone could see that. Now a blow job at night in a bar parking lot is fine as people who might see should not be stunned.

In terms of who chooses whom I have sex with it is mixed. I am suppose to and do seek out sexual encounters on my own and pretty much have carte blanche on doing that. The truth is Rock would like to do more of this then I actually do. But I will also have sex with anyone that Rock wants me to have sex with which comes to what I want to write about today.

Rock on occasion will have me sleep with a customer of his. Now since I do not do it for local customers it does not happen that often. I will though often travel with him to a convention or trade show of some type and then all bets are off and I will surely write about this when it happens. But yesterday was a surprise out of the blue situation. Rock had a customer from out of state that was here on unrelated business and Rock took him to lunch yesterday. Now I apparently had never hooked up with this guy but had with others in his company and he hinted up a storm to Rock about me and what he had heard. Now this is like crack to a crack addict with Rock. A man trying best to ascertain that his wife is sexy and easy. 

Anyway, Rock called me after the lunch to inform me that he had invited this man (Bill) out to dinner tonight but had decided I would be the only one showing up to dine with Bill. Now I am not a big writer of detailing of events but will try to write briefly on what transpired.

I met Bill in the lobby of the hotel he was staying in. Rock gave me a good description which was of a guy in his late forties, mostly bald, average height and pudgy. I have no problem in going up to people and starting conversations so this is not tough or a nervous thing to me. I simply went up to Bill and “apologized” for Bill not being able to make it but I am sure we can have a “good” time in a flirtatious manner. He only hesitated a little before we headed out to the restaurant. 

Now there are two particular ways to get me to really want to fuck someone. Either the natural combination of the person looks, personality and demeanor that plays into my instinctive arousal areas or some combination of a self esteem boost and tugging on my heart. Bill was not the first but over a nice dinner certainly hit on the second. He was certainly enjoying being out to dinner with someone my age and looking fairly good in my wine colored cocktail dress that I hoped communicated I expect to get fucked. He was recently divorced and his tale was an all too familiar one that I heard when I was dancing. I understand it takes two to tango but there still is something sad that I do feel sorry for the men who had wives who could not be bothered with sexually satisfying the men they are suppose to love. Guys like that always got better dances from me and in this case Bill was going to get lucky if he wanted.

Dinner took about an hour and a half and now it can get tricky. Bill may know I fuck around and Rock gives me to customers. Bill even coming off a long term marriage should have been able to see my obvious flirts and other clues but still most men in this situation can still be afraid or clueless to make any type of move. In this case I go to one of my usual moves which is I lean toward him, start rubbing a foot against a leg of Bill’s and ask him if he would like to continue this night back at his hotel. Bill replied yes and I knew I had him!

Getting out of the car at his hotel is where I ratchet it up. I walk into the hotel and to the elevator holding his arm and trying to maximize my tits touching his arm. In the elevator Bill is being a perfect gentleman but I am not being a lady. I now am pretty much grinding my right tit into his arm and I put my mouth near his ear and whisper “I want you cock in my wet pussy so bad!”. There is a method to my actions. I have found with men who are not intentional players and especially who have not been in the dating game a lot that before anything actually starts that giving them the clearest signals possible that they have full permission to go all the way with me. Otherwise many are hesitant and clumsy with their moves in wondering they will get a yes or no from me or even worse wonder if they should make a move. 

Bill got the signal loud and clear and as soon as his room door was closed we went at it. There are always good and bad things when fucking strangers. The good and especially when fucking a customer of Rock’s is that it is only going to be a one night thing that there is really no pressure in the performance and with a customer it is all about rocking their world. So this type of sex it can be easy for me to basically turn off my brain and enjoy the ride which is what I did with Bill and he was ok nothing special but I have had many worse.

A few minutes after he came I asked if I could spend the night which he really liked that idea. Now comes one of my favorite parts of being a hotwife and one when first starting down this path I dreaded and that was the phone call to Rock. Of course now I know when I call him telling him I will not be home this is music to his ears and cock. But the first few times was painful for me. I have a preference. Most men are really uncomfortable with the me talking to my husband and look to leave the room. Now some do get turned on by it, more in a later blog entry. But if I can keep the man there while I talk to Rock I enjoy being playfully sexual while talking to Rock. So this time while talking to Rock I was able to touch and lick Bill’s cock. I just love that!

About a half hour later Bill was ready for round two and my mind again wandered as he seem like a real nice guy, maybe not physically attractive but not repulsive, had a good job and for a man in his late forties can get it up twice in a short time. Why is he divorced? The second time was very nice and I came twice. 

We got up early in the morning because I wanted to get home to Rock before he left for work. I have a favorite thing I like to do in these situations. I like to get dressed, never shower, and then go through the “had a good time” and “let us do this again” type hollow words and when we kiss just before the goodbye I pull my face back and smile then slowly drop to my knees and give the man a blow job. I just love thinking the last thing a man saw me do was give him a blow job and walk happily out the door. I am a slut and want them to remember that!

But my favorite part comes next and it never gets old because Rock seems to never get tired of that. I come home and walk into our bedroom and Rock is waiting as he ogles perhaps his favorite view of me. Wearing an obvious previous night out clothes, not showered and smelling of another man and sex. 

Rock despises being late for work but somehow does not mind when he takes me like this. I am one lucky woman!