May 02, 2009

Don’t Need Your Money Honey

Just want your hard cock!

Was writing my previous entry when the Divorcing Doctor called me on the phone and the phone call went great. Maybe no coincidence then that the second half of the entry turned into a more descriptive tale then I would normally do when talking about a sexual encounter. So all of those who stumbled onto my blog think the previous was normal and thought cool, sorry. Those who read it and thought what a lame attempt at writing titillation then do not be scared of this blog as that is not the normal entry.

We talked for about forty-five minutes and well he is really easy to talk to and funny. Turns out his weariness of me has to do that being a cute and funny doctor apparently women are hitting on him constantly even while he is going through the divorce to try to become wife number two. I am not surprised I guess but then he said this has included many married women which surprised me a little I guess.

I spent a lot of my words then explaining that I am not looking for a rich new husband as I love the guy I got completely and went on to tell him a version of the truth about my life. Basically I am in an open marriage with a husband that enjoys knowing I sleep around and just looking for some good times and thought a cute doctor with days open and going through a tough time we could be a good fit. He really reacted well to this information. I am going to have to make sure I do not give off the impression of wanting more. I just hope he can tell the difference between heart feelings and horniness. 

Anyway he is going to call me again and set up a lunch date, hopefully sometime next week. I really like this guy and I have high hopes this can be a really nice fling. Perfect for spring that is if it ever gets here!

Writing this after Rock brought his full effort and attention to a great Saturday morning wake up and fuck session. I am both tired from it and oh so satisfied that I am still coming down from being on fire in my arousal. Do not know what that feeling is called but I do know I love it!

May 01, 2009

The Bull Treatment

Bull called me yesterday and he came over and spent a fun and quick time together in the evening. I am guessing most in casual relationships, people seeking out sexual only relationships and maybe some in serious long term relationships face a certain question at some point they have to answer. The question of why am I with this person if I do not really like them, is it really just the sex. I was faced with confronting this question when I started seeing Bull and apparently my answer was just because of the sex is a good enough reason.

I have nicknamed the guy Bull because literally that is what he likes to think of himself as and really enjoys doing. He likes being the bull of a wife who cuckolds her husband in the more stereotyped way. That he does have many extra thrills of fucking married women and chases after them.

It is kind of funny but where I stand now today I would have never given Bull or someone like him a chance but when I met him was a different time and place. It was my first time using an adult personal site to find a guy to bang me. Bull seemed sincere, nice and very doable that my naivety and cock lust had me overlook some things. The things were that Bull really probed looking for something in my relationship with Rock sexually that was lacking where he could fix it and take me to a place I never have been. 

Bull has at least a minor issue with Narcissism. But like I was ignoring some signs he was ignoring my answers for probably the same reasons and we started to see each other and the sex was and still is great. I do know that I just would never in a million years date him if I was single. But I am not a good fit for Bull so while I do include him as a regular in my life it is very on and off. Basically an occasional random time here and there as either he has been without too long or has not been able to have the type of sex that we are both into he comes a calling.

Well the blog title kind of says it all I like being objectified. I lust for any type of sex that has that aspect and bonuses of sometimes a degrading feeling on a pretty strong level. This tend to make me enjoy sex describes with words like rough, hard, brutal, cruel, animalistic and to be thought of at the time in terms of cheap, willing to do anything, just a piece of meat for a guys pleasure. Give me a man who treats me like that sexually and it is all good. Give me a man who wants to show off his sexual “talents” or wants to “connect” with me sexually by making my pleasure the focus of attention and the number of orgasms he gives me is how he keeps score and we are not going to have an encore. Men in between are very cool and great as well and more times then not are the men I am with or the sex I am having.

With Rock our relationship has the I am a sexual object for his pleasure so out there and so casual 24/7 that we often have far less severe/rough stuff then I may prefer but what we do is so natural and so freeing to us and particularly him that what I would call romantic many would call selfish and impersonal on his end. Shock is great at giving it to me hard and rough but with him it is all physical and instinctive the more he is turned on the wilder he will be. But Bull this is all head space. Bull likes doing these things and the fact I still get off on him and willing to do this for him feeds his ego. It is never when he is with me and throat fucking me and having me gag that I can possibly just like getting treated that way but that I just am so into him I could not say no to whatever he wants. This compatibly is why I think he is so sporadic, too much time with me the illusion goes poof but here and there he can feed off of the sex enough. So on the one hand if I think too much about Bull my thought is to cut him off but the sex is just too good so I just try to never think about it. 

Bull was over last evening and we were chatting for about ten minutes and that was enough for him. Another reason why the sex is so great with him, he is large and in charge and will do what he wants when he wants and this is greatly enjoyable and freeing to just be able to relax my mind and enjoy the sex. Bull just pretty much mid sentence grabs my head and pulls me toward him and starts kissing me catching me off guard but still not surprised but it takes me a few seconds to shift my mind into it. Every move he makes from his tongue entering my mouth to his hands manhandling my tits are like statements of him claiming my body and my enjoyment of it is a remote concern to him. To be treated this way it is not if I have an orgasm but just how many.

Bull then pulls me up from the couch and we head for the bedroom. Most men prefer the guest bedroom but of course not Bull he wants to fuck where Rock and I sleep. We get undressed and before we get on the bed he places his hands on my shoulder and guides me down semi forcefully to my knees and I take his cock in my mouth and begin to suck it. Soon he has his hands on my head and begins to control the speed and depth of his cock in my mouth. I do love sucking him as he has for some reason a cock that tastes and smells particularly enjoyable to me. 

After only a few minutes Bull grabs my hair and pulls me off his cock and onto the bed face down. With one hand he holds my head hard against the mattress as a sign I am not to move. With his other hand he starts to masturbate me by alternating rubbing his hand on my clit and finger fucking me often with three fingers. Why he thinks I would move in a way not to let him do this to his hearts content I have no idea. After he notices my second orgasm while doing this he lets up and asks for a condom which I quickly get from a drawer. 

I start sucking him to get his cock nice and hard then he gives me the unwrapped condom to put on his cock that I thinks he gets some head boost so I do it in a lust filled way. He starts us off in a relaxing missionary position that does feel quite nice but he switches us after awhile to the doggie position and we both know what is coming and we both really like it. The pace is picked greatly up once he enters me in this position and I am now getting hard and fast and I do not know what is louder my moans or our thighs and groins bumping together with each hard and deep thrust. I orgasm once and am about to for the second time but a little before I could Bull cums and has us collapse in the bed, close but I will not complain, Rock will be home in a couple of hours to take care of anymore itches.

A few minutes of talk and it is get dressed and part ways. I never really know if it will be the last time with Bull but I have long since stop trying to figure out if I care or not if it will be the last time. I just embrace getting the bull treatment.

April 30, 2009

The ER and Bad Porn Dialog

I spent about six hours at an emergency room last night, not for me or anyone in my personal life but to keep it short and simple part of life when working with special needs foster children. Now normally when I am working with children I do the pure conservative, ok relatively conservative, adult thing. But since most of those six hours I was not actually allowed to be with the child this left alone time in sort of in gray area.

Well the doctor who first saw the patient I was waiting on and dealing with started up on and off conversations with me. Now I would love to say he looked like George Clooney and have a story of crossing off a fantasy on my list but no that is not the case. He was though plenty handsome enough to get my attention. The doctor was probably in his early forties with black hair in a military like length. He was tall probably around 6’ 3” and while a little too thin for my preference he had a really cute face and great eyes and great eyes can always get me wet.

We were about four hours into a dance that was going nowhere but at the same time was all cylinders firing. Because it was so on and off with quick burst of dialog followed by longer bouts of not seeing each other as he clearly chose his job and helping people over talking to me, which being the saint that I am was ok with. But I was getting frustrated because I just did not know what he was thinking outside he clearly was spending most of his free time he had with me.

He is in middle of getting a divorce which was a big part of the problem. Four hours into it I had a cute guy, who had day time hours free and was in the middle of a divorce so probably only looking for some fun time between the sheets. My problem was I tend to be a quick I am interested here is my number or bed them that moment type of gal and I could not figure out if he was flirting for a goal, just being nice or he had no clue what he was doing. I think now he was wondering why would the married woman flirt and is she because this is an ER and the situation was not lend itself to flirting.

I finally I decided I had to up the stakes but was at a loss what to do. I was not dressed anyway that I could show him that way that I was his for the plucking in the future and I had no idea how long I was going to be there and did not want to be stuck if I said something stupid or got shot down. 

But nothing ventured is nothing gained and unfortunately what happen next reminded me of bad porn dialog. Amongst the lowlights of the conversation these are some of the things that actually came out of my mouth:

“I love hard things.”
“No I have never done a triathlon. I prefer more private things that work up a heavy sweat.”
“Everyone should get their needs taken care of even if going through a divorce.”
“I am a full service social worker that enjoys happy endings. Would you like some of my help?”
I hate being out of my element/comfort zone. I left the hospital feeling like some young teenage girl trying to flirt for the first time and thinking I acted like a complete fool. But I did leave my number for him and he sounded like he would call and I do not think that part I sounded so desperate so I will see what happens. But how many triathlon training cute and funny doctors who are in the middle of a divorce so all they probably want is casual sex that have afternoons off are there?

April 28, 2009

Porn: The Isolation Effect

Human beings have a natural habit to imagine everyone is like themselves. We like to think what is interesting to us will be interesting to others. What we think others think as well. We often go to such an extent that people who outwardly are not like us are often feared and picked on often and to the extreme.

One of the areas this plays out is when we try to put ourselves in someone else’s place. We often just put who we are and what we believe and think instead of how the other is actually different and why they might do something that very well will be different. Most of us do this on a daily basis without thought and often clueless when this incorrect perception is acted on even when it blows up in our face.

When it comes to the sexes there has been one giant misperception that men have with women on this level which is if a woman like sex too much they are not to be trusted. In other words sluts are bad and only good for casual sex. Why do so many men over the centuries think this way? Because they put themselves in a woman’s shoes and think if I am attractive, sexy, doable, fuckable or whatever the term I can get laid whenever I would want. So how could a woman who has had enough sex to know she really likes it be able to be faithful to me? Let us face it if you asked a guy if tomorrow he was inside the body of Megan Fox the first thing they would do would probably sprint to the nearest lesbian bar.

Another issue men have projecting is because they are visually and physically stimulated on a sexual basis then they think women are the same way even when they intellectually know that is not the case. Men are first attracted to a woman’s physical appearance and then go from there. They then take that and put that back onto a woman but with their skewed philosophy. In other words they want a hot girl that is good in bed and then they want this and that. So again in trying to put themselves in place of a woman over the years many men somehow believe the man that best fucks a woman wins her heart. This obsession of needing to be the best she has had sexually comes from thinking that might be the only way to keep her. This once again plays into the more my wife was isolated the better chance she will not leave me.

So then what does this have to do with porn and isolation and the answer is both of these things are leading many men into insane and idiotic beliefs.

Watch porn and the male ill thought out beliefs are re-enforced. Every porn has pretty much every woman always fucking at the drop of the hat. Most porn has women become horny and insatiable at the look or feel of a big hard cock. Infidelity is also big in porn and even forced infidelity feeds into these beliefs. How many porn scenes see a wife of some guy coerced into having sex and then thirty seconds into the scene they are acting like they are having their greatest sexual encounter ever? In porn most of the women are dressed in sexualized ways and of course getting laid seconds into a scene makes a connection that dressing sexy is trolling for cock. Porn has every woman taking huge cocks up their pussies and asses therefore sluts must be drawn to big cocks and have loose pussies and gaping assholes.

So watch enough porn and the image of a cock crazy slut has no ability to control herself sexually from a guy with a hard dick and promise of a good lay. Now does that make porn bad just because of that, no it does not. But the problem comes from the men who watch porn all the time and then throw into the mix isolation from dating and other social activity.

We as a society have become not only increasingly isolated that many of us rarely interact anymore with people we do not know. For many a lot of their socialization comes off the Internet and this allows people to indulge in the safety of being with people who believe what they believe and prevents exposure to different people, different ideas and different experiences. This has lead to many men now that their only input with women is by watching porn, reading exaggerated, fictitious or one note lacking overall perspective message boards, chat rooms and blogs filled with sex and little else. Real life interaction is with co-workers where we tend to think of them as asexual or hearing about their failed relationships and divorces where of course the gender we hear about the other gender being wrong.  

So porn and ever increasing isolation is creating a new group of men who are cut off from meeting and dating actual women and seeing friends in real life date actual women. They are failing to see women in the diversity and the multi-dimensional aspects that they are. All the input they are getting is from the sex things on the Internet and much of their social interaction is with men exactly in the same boots thinking the same thing. That too many women are immoral sluts and cannot control themselves or love a man and be loyal but of course men still crave a loyal woman to be with because getting dumped is always bad and for men lonely and isolated that thought really stings. Because after all they are not losers because they spend most of their free time alone on their computers filled with sex but they are winners waiting for a virtuous woman to recognize how great they are.

So the porn/cyber sex has become for too many men a too high of percentage of input on what one thinks a woman is in modern times. This combined with the ancient and probably forever thought of if they like sex and can get sex they can leave me has lead to much more angrier men towards women which then feeds on itself increasing the odds they stay isolated and lonely.

April 27, 2009

Power of Football

I am not one of those persons that if I do not get something or find something completely not interesting to invalidate others who do including the opposite gender. I am somewhat stuck in the crossroads though when it comes to football. I like football enough when I go to a game, my college team is on TV (rarely over the years because they are rarely good) and I can usually make it through one game on the weekend when Rock watches them including the obligatory blow job I give him during it. 

But for the life of me I do not get what is so fascinating about the NFL Draft. I am not saying because I have no idea that this does not have some entertainment value for fans but I would not think it is so awesome that it holds such attention and focus. But such was the case Saturday afternoon.

Now I normally enjoy the NFL Draft. We have sort of a fun tradition with it. Lips, Sweetness and sometimes Rebound come over to our house and as the men start out watching the thing Lips and I have our sexual fun. Then after several hours the men get bored and we get to include them in our fun. Then we would have a nice BBQ and see if any guy was up for some dessert.

But this year they changed the start of the draft to mid afternoon which made us change our plans around or it just might have been time to do something different. Sweetness and Lips arrived just before the start and while Lips and I had our fun the men preferred football to any sexual fun and then we went out for a nice late dinner. They had to get home so we left without the boys enjoying themselves at all.

I do not know it could be Lips and I are so easy that they can easily pass on the opportunity or because the relationship dynamic is so secure they know there will be a next time and a next time after that. But really the NFL Draft over sex even for a few hours? As I told Rock for me to accept this premise he needs to accept the premise of a woman needing more then a few pair of shoes.

Miscellaneous Items:

-When I started this blog I envisioned a mixture of talking about sexual things that are going on in my life and in the past, some big picture talking about sex and some serious that can cross over to dark for some sexual aspects. I think I have pretty much done that for the most part. 

As I go forward I am guessing it will be more of the same. But I will warn people I have no intention more out of ability then anything that this blog will be filled with descriptive sexual situations and acts. I have no interest in writing about every time I have sex with Rock or a regular but more about unique times and when my mood hits. I do plan though on writing about new people in my sex life. 

-I have had some private messages “suggesting” I should not write about or reference my sexual abuse past or my dealings with sexual compulsion mostly in the not appropriate for a blog like this. 

One of the things I really like about blogs both in writing mine and reading others is I have no responsibility to anyone reading this. If you like what you read you will continue to read if not that is great as well. I refuse to get caught up in the try to get as many as I can to read this or get enough people so I can make money putting ads on this site. I have an ego like any other human being so I would like at least a few to read this blog but I will write it on my terms which will be topics ranging from pure titillation to pretty hard core bad shit.

-By far and away anytime now that I have written about my stripping is when I get the most private and positive feedback. I am not surprised as that is often what people like me to talk about in real life as well. 

I enjoy writing about my days and hope as a collection I offer some variety to what else is written on the subject. I have no shortage of topics on this subject to write about and could do it everyday for a long while. But I am sure there are hundreds of blogs on stripping and I do not want to be one. I will continue to write about the subject probably in the frequency I am now doing for awhile which has been about one entry a week.

-In general and in specific to the previous two notes, I am heavy into to psychology and sociology from my school studies and work I do. In addition I have had to become more intellectual as a person for developing life skills over time in my life. I tend to then write in such a manner. Not offering up excuses for doing so and I think it can add to a different view on some things I write about. But by no means do I consider myself an expert on anything I write about or mean it anything as all knowing advice. If it comes off that way sometimes I offer no apologies for it but my intention is to vent or put out my opinion and some information for those interested to think about not to take as gospel.

-I will be starting a new short series of entries on porn and the impact it has on people. For the record I am not an anti-porn zealot. But it does have impact in several areas in life that I am very much interested in writing about.

-There will be no pictures of me in this blog. I am thinking of putting a picture of me seeing my back as my blog picture but that will be it if I do that. I have posted several pictures of me in the past at various places to only have them stolen and used at least three different times. I do not care that much that happened as much as I got pissed off when I would get accused of being a fake because of it or what men wanted me to do to prove I was not when I could care less what they thought. 

I stripped for six years and do not have any thrill of posting pictures in cyber to get attention and compliments.

-I welcome anyone to write whether public comment or private messages that want to talk about something or ask me something in more detail. Men please though do not write thinking I will send you pictures or hook up with you if we are in the same city at sometime if you send enough friendly emails that your attempt at establishing some sort of friendship will bare fruit. I welcome messages I do not welcome ulterior motives.

April 25, 2009

Common Question VII

Do you ever feel uncomfortable fucking men at your home when your husband Rock is there whether is in the same room or not?

No, simple, next question. Oh detail? For those who read and remember some of the things in this blog I have written about my past let us just say I have few or no personal emotional boundaries. The only boundaries I have are ones that I observe others have and have been taught but since they are basically intellectual they are basically voluntary on my part. I could literally get it doggy style by VP Biden while eating out the Pelosi in back of Obama while he was giving his state of the union address. I might not enjoy it or be aroused but I would not have trouble or feel uncomfortable except for knowing it would be bad and uncomfortable for all those watching. I know, not a pretty visual to use!

The biggest problem and totally understandable is that the men are uncomfortable. This is the biggest stumbling block to having regulars if they like what we like an ongoing fairly open booty call just as long as you come to our house.

We are not opposed, done or will not do in the future of having me meet men outside our home on a continued fashion but I have found these rarely work out for me in terms of lasting. Single men want too much of my time with a lot of girlfriend experiences. I am not opposed to this and enjoy it many times but not always or often when I am hooking up with someone regularly. I have a husband who I enjoy being social with and I am not needing a date on Saturday night.

Married men tend to be the opposite where they expect me to jump through a tiny window of convenience for them at the drop of a hat. Again understandable but I get laid by the love of my life on a daily basis and I am not out on the prowl just to get some sex but to have enough sex and I am not going to interrupt and change my life because a man got a free half hour window. Now if he has a free afternoon and wants to see how many times he can get it up that is another story!

I have found that regulars comfortable with it just being sex and can handle doing it at our home to be awesome but not easy to find. Most others that I have done more then once or twice they generally have a very small lifespan as the need or logistics make it not conducive for us through no one’s fault.

April 23, 2009

SC: Why a Woman Becomes a Stripper

Stripping Chronicles - I will occasionally write on my life and times when I was dancer and what I learned and got out of it. I have found that all types of people are always asking me questions in particular about this time in my life. Although the industry likes to emphasize the occupation as a dancer, for ease of communication I usually just go with stripper.

First two notes:

1) I am writing this from my recollection of an old term paper I once did dominating my thoughts. I will try to be brief (and fail) and to avoid psychological terms but I also reserve the right to have big holes in this as well.

2) All of this is based on women who strip successfully as a profession whether short or long time. This excludes all the women who test drive it for a rebellious kick, social science/psychological case study and/or book material fodder and those who tried but could not handle it in some way. This includes many who state to others false reasons they got out who just could not really handle it.

One note reasons

I have probably heard enough shallow one note reasons as to why women take off their clothes and dance and grind on men for a living. Many have truth in them from small to a big amount but none can serve as an all encompassing reason. Here are some just off the top of my head:

1) The money and hours are great. - I mean we all cannot be doctors or lawyers. Most people including strippers are not all just about the Benjamins. Also, I will not pretend the money is not real good but the rumors and guesses tend to be quite over inflated. Some super featured stripper in some big city club is not the average stripper nor is every night some jam packed night full of men wanting to loose twenties. 

2) They need more money then they can make elsewhere. – Most have that as part of a reason but many people fall into this definition and do not take their clothes off.

3) Childhood abuse and neglect, low self esteem and just being dumb. – I grouped all these together for my answer. Strippers go into their high school career fair or meet their guidance counselor and they suggest this occupation once they find out we have at least one of these things. Many people have these issues and obstacles and choose not to do anything like this to even going far off in the other direction.

4) They are proud of their bodies and being a woman and feel empowered to show them off. – Feminists going too far the other way then their normal it is degrading to women thoughts. (This by the way is ironic since the people who most degrade strippers are women who think of themselves as feminists.) I never have seen this as a reason at all for a stripper. Is their some attraction and proud exhibitionist for some, sure, but women power is not a reason.

5) Poor morals – Some people do not live such a luxurious lifestyle where life choices are as simple as moral judgments or not. For those who think they have it tough and it still comes down to it then I suggest you are not aware of many other levels of tough.

6) Addicts – Rarely did I ever see a hardcore user. Casual to hardcore party players’ sure but not addicts. The reasons being fairly obvious, our bodies are our livelihood and addicts are not reliable. The affects of hardcore drug use is not going to get covered up in makeup and missing shifts is one of the automatic get your ass fired things. Now alcoholics we had more then our fair share of those but again far from all.

Why then?

The best way is for you first to get in the proper mindset. Most are not really asking why but are really why we were able to become strippers. It is a job just like everyone else’s. We show up do something that if we were not getting paid would probably not do. An accountant chooses his profession out of being good at numbers and being comfortable working with them. A salesman likes dealing with people and does not take comfort sitting at a desk all day long.

The fact is like all other people who do something not all dancers are built the same. We have many similar characteristics to a wide vary of degree that overall make us who we are and what we are capable of doing. If you hate numbers and are bad at them you are not going to hack it being an accountant even if tomorrow accountants got paid like movie stars.

The following are factors to a varying degree most dancers were motivated and helped them deal with being dancers. They need not have all or it to be a huge factor but overall they have many of these to a varying degree and at least a few in a big way that lets them cross that line. Many of these factors overlap and compound each other but I am listing them separate for ease of reading and for trying to convey a real life snap shot.

1) The need for significantly more money then they can earn elsewhere. – Low paying jobs cannot pay the rent, food, transportations costs and medical bills. Whether completely on their own, going or trying to go to college all on their own with no support or having others depend on them, many a dancer has had the financial math come back that did not allow a job at a fast food place. I cannot begin to tell you just how many dancers started out or still are caretakers and main or only income producers for abnormal family couplings. I am not just talking about children of their own but siblings, screwed up or sick parents, nieces and nephews and grandparents. It is the college coed who has no financial support and has to decide going to a legit school or dropping out and working full time and at best a community college. Partial scholarships, grants and student loans do not pay as much as one thinks. 

Now you might be thinking to yourself I know some strippers they seem to be tripping over the money. Sure, but remember younger siblings grow up, maturity comes and they realize they cannot save their drunk mother. Plus there is for many who do work hard no middle ground. Regular jobs will pay very little and dancing can pay a lot. There is no middle option for most.

2) Distance either emotionally and/or physically from their older family members. – To take off one’s clothes for a living means being stereotyped and marginalized in society. Most know a little about that going in but will certainly learn it soon after. One close with their parents to where this will get thrown into their faces is a big thing to overcome. Many strippers do not stay in contact with their family, their family is not near the city they work or they just flat out do not care what the family thinks. 

This is one of those things you can never get by just talking to a dancer. Like everyone else there is a combination of biological connection and what society wants us to project. Most people will automatically say they love their family. Heck I probably have never said a good thing about my parents what little I now remember of them but even to this day if someone, including Rock, says something negative about them my first reaction is to become defensive.

Everyone acts like they love their family and being around them but of course that is not the case. The next time some big family holiday comes up see how many people where you work look like they are happy to be seeing their family or wishing they could and how many make light of it or talk about cannot wait for them to leave.

3) Feel like an outsider already – There have been few head cheerleaders and homecoming queens that go on to take their clothes off for a living and those who do I would bet they would tell you that what they were back in school felt more like an act then anything else. As I wrote above to strip for a living means being stereotyped and marginalized and people who care how cool or popular they are and who they hang out with cannot do it. That is not to say women who were popular in school do not become strippers but again it is about FEELING like an outsider. 

I will never forget my freshman year dorm experience with all the looks and snide comments I received by my floor mates, the guys not knowing what the hell to say or act in front of me especially when other women were around or washing my outfits in the laundry facilities. Make no mistake you are treated different by everyone.

4) Minimal to no emotional boundaries – The lure of money is always tempting. The thought of dancing and a little exhibitionist type fun can sound like fun to a young woman who has never been in a strip club but the reality of actually doing it is quite different. At some point you are dancing in a lewd and naked way in front of strange men who when drunk can be mean. You have to do private lap “dances” and none of these are like what you like doing at the bar with your friends. 

Strangers will act in a variety of out there ways. A dancer will be exposed constantly to bad and often offending things and victim feeling like actions and there is no running to mommy or daddy. Security is going to get the man to leave, maybe, but that is it. Too much of a fuss or retaliating gets your ass fired and if that eats away at you there is no way to last in the business. Most with boundaries already destroyed call it business as usual. 

Think of it this way a dancer at the minimal shows up to work wearing a barely there bikini while everyone else is dressed normally and then proceeds to take that off every hour and so for a few minutes. A dancer can do that without even blinking and that is not a normal behavior.

5) Childhood abuse or neglect, usually ongoing for a significant period. – This is always a very touchy subject for many. Strippers are well aware of the stereotype and hate being diminished by who they are by being defined by past abuse whether true or not. At the same time many childhood abuse victims who never stripped state the sad statistics of just how high this number is and therefore claim it must have no bearing because they have such a low opinion of strippers and despise their issues being in the same conversation.

The truth is most of the factors that I will have listed hear can easily come from a dysfunctional and abusive childhood. A child grows up as an outsider, no family support financially or emotionally and normal boundaries are just guesses. The fact is if you get past initial defenses of a dancer and they open up a very high percentage suffered abuse of some type often emotional or sexual at the minimum and it was more of the ongoing type then one or a few traumatic experiences. 

6) Low self esteem. - One of the go to one note excuses and most dancers have it. But I would like to point out self esteem is not a one note thing. Often people have self esteem in some aspects of their lives and might be missing in others. To think low self esteem is all consuming a person and therefore a dancer is misleading. One might think they are crap as a significant other but think highly of themselves in their profession for example. 

I found most dancers are not getting self esteem boosts because they think of themselves as physically unattractive and like the applause and money that says otherwise or they think of themselves as dumb and can do nothing better. Most though that suffer from low self esteem think society does not think much of them or care before they ever take off their clothes. Of course more times then not caused by a life with #5.

The unfortunate part for many dancers who will not depart the life better then when they came in it is that a strip club really can feel nice to many of us that are feeling me against the world that does not give a damn and just uses me up. A club is in a way a safe place where we are with other people like us or like being around us and treat us in both a way that is nice but still in a way we are comfortable with that is less then regular people do let alone grasp. For many coming from crappy pasts normal is scary as life gave us skills sets to handle non normal and people are afraid of the unknown not the known.

7) Fight part of fight or flight – Dancing is not for the timid. Women who are timid just will not make enough money, cannot handle it or get played and used up quickly. The ones who make it tend to choose fight when the fight or flight response gets engaged. In fact the whole dancer friendships and working together relationships can be the strangest thing to see or try to figure out because most are of the fight instinct.

8) Sex is not all romantic – Not really a specific factor but important to discuss but not make like it is separate. Dancing requires leaving romantic connections to one’s body either buried somewhere deep or thrown out all together. Stripping can be a good short term boost to self esteem, it can feel empowering being the center of attention and having the ability to control men of all types and be a way to make some great money that can make a dancer independent for the first time in her life. But it is a man’s world inside that club and the lifestyle around it. It means sex is not tied into romance and being sexually objectified. To paraphrase a song, “I know what boys like. Boys like looking at my body and using my holes”.

Sex is everywhere in a club even when very little is talked directly about sex. It is a commodity that is being packaged and sold and it is deeply devalued compared to the more romantic notions some have of sex. I am sure it is possible but I never personally saw a dancer that had been around long enough that deeply attached romantic notions to sex.

In the end

Women who become strippers and stay in it longer then a moment make a choice to accept being different and looked down on by society as a whole. This and the actual ability to take off our clothes in front of strangers and be reduced by people as mostly about sex requires personality traits and life experiences that are far from one note or strict type paths.

Most dancer are not man hating greedy bitches or timid, dumb, weak and poor decision making drug addicts that come from a life of being a victim of abuse that could not figure out how to just say no and that would have fixed everything.

They are often women just like all others that are complicated with a mixture of nurture and nature leaving them with tough no win options and try to do the best they can. Some do great and some do badly and everything else in between. Just like other people.