SC: Why a Woman Becomes a Stripper

Stripping Chronicles - I will occasionally write on my life and times when I was dancer and what I learned and got out of it. I have found that all types of people are always asking me questions in particular about this time in my life. Although the industry likes to emphasize the occupation as a dancer, for ease of communication I usually just go with stripper.

First two notes:

1) I am writing this from my recollection of an old term paper I once did dominating my thoughts. I will try to be brief (and fail) and to avoid psychological terms but I also reserve the right to have big holes in this as well.

2) All of this is based on women who strip successfully as a profession whether short or long time. This excludes all the women who test drive it for a rebellious kick, social science/psychological case study and/or book material fodder and those who tried but could not handle it in some way. This includes many who state to others false reasons they got out who just could not really handle it.

One note reasons

I have probably heard enough shallow one note reasons as to why women take off their clothes and dance and grind on men for a living. Many have truth in them from small to a big amount but none can serve as an all encompassing reason. Here are some just off the top of my head:

1) The money and hours are great. - I mean we all cannot be doctors or lawyers. Most people including strippers are not all just about the Benjamins. Also, I will not pretend the money is not real good but the rumors and guesses tend to be quite over inflated. Some super featured stripper in some big city club is not the average stripper nor is every night some jam packed night full of men wanting to loose twenties. 

2) They need more money then they can make elsewhere. – Most have that as part of a reason but many people fall into this definition and do not take their clothes off.

3) Childhood abuse and neglect, low self esteem and just being dumb. – I grouped all these together for my answer. Strippers go into their high school career fair or meet their guidance counselor and they suggest this occupation once they find out we have at least one of these things. Many people have these issues and obstacles and choose not to do anything like this to even going far off in the other direction.

4) They are proud of their bodies and being a woman and feel empowered to show them off. – Feminists going too far the other way then their normal it is degrading to women thoughts. (This by the way is ironic since the people who most degrade strippers are women who think of themselves as feminists.) I never have seen this as a reason at all for a stripper. Is their some attraction and proud exhibitionist for some, sure, but women power is not a reason.

5) Poor morals – Some people do not live such a luxurious lifestyle where life choices are as simple as moral judgments or not. For those who think they have it tough and it still comes down to it then I suggest you are not aware of many other levels of tough.

6) Addicts – Rarely did I ever see a hardcore user. Casual to hardcore party players’ sure but not addicts. The reasons being fairly obvious, our bodies are our livelihood and addicts are not reliable. The affects of hardcore drug use is not going to get covered up in makeup and missing shifts is one of the automatic get your ass fired things. Now alcoholics we had more then our fair share of those but again far from all.

Why then?

The best way is for you first to get in the proper mindset. Most are not really asking why but are really why we were able to become strippers. It is a job just like everyone else’s. We show up do something that if we were not getting paid would probably not do. An accountant chooses his profession out of being good at numbers and being comfortable working with them. A salesman likes dealing with people and does not take comfort sitting at a desk all day long.

The fact is like all other people who do something not all dancers are built the same. We have many similar characteristics to a wide vary of degree that overall make us who we are and what we are capable of doing. If you hate numbers and are bad at them you are not going to hack it being an accountant even if tomorrow accountants got paid like movie stars.

The following are factors to a varying degree most dancers were motivated and helped them deal with being dancers. They need not have all or it to be a huge factor but overall they have many of these to a varying degree and at least a few in a big way that lets them cross that line. Many of these factors overlap and compound each other but I am listing them separate for ease of reading and for trying to convey a real life snap shot.

1) The need for significantly more money then they can earn elsewhere. – Low paying jobs cannot pay the rent, food, transportations costs and medical bills. Whether completely on their own, going or trying to go to college all on their own with no support or having others depend on them, many a dancer has had the financial math come back that did not allow a job at a fast food place. I cannot begin to tell you just how many dancers started out or still are caretakers and main or only income producers for abnormal family couplings. I am not just talking about children of their own but siblings, screwed up or sick parents, nieces and nephews and grandparents. It is the college coed who has no financial support and has to decide going to a legit school or dropping out and working full time and at best a community college. Partial scholarships, grants and student loans do not pay as much as one thinks. 

Now you might be thinking to yourself I know some strippers they seem to be tripping over the money. Sure, but remember younger siblings grow up, maturity comes and they realize they cannot save their drunk mother. Plus there is for many who do work hard no middle ground. Regular jobs will pay very little and dancing can pay a lot. There is no middle option for most.

2) Distance either emotionally and/or physically from their older family members. – To take off one’s clothes for a living means being stereotyped and marginalized in society. Most know a little about that going in but will certainly learn it soon after. One close with their parents to where this will get thrown into their faces is a big thing to overcome. Many strippers do not stay in contact with their family, their family is not near the city they work or they just flat out do not care what the family thinks. 

This is one of those things you can never get by just talking to a dancer. Like everyone else there is a combination of biological connection and what society wants us to project. Most people will automatically say they love their family. Heck I probably have never said a good thing about my parents what little I now remember of them but even to this day if someone, including Rock, says something negative about them my first reaction is to become defensive.

Everyone acts like they love their family and being around them but of course that is not the case. The next time some big family holiday comes up see how many people where you work look like they are happy to be seeing their family or wishing they could and how many make light of it or talk about cannot wait for them to leave.

3) Feel like an outsider already – There have been few head cheerleaders and homecoming queens that go on to take their clothes off for a living and those who do I would bet they would tell you that what they were back in school felt more like an act then anything else. As I wrote above to strip for a living means being stereotyped and marginalized and people who care how cool or popular they are and who they hang out with cannot do it. That is not to say women who were popular in school do not become strippers but again it is about FEELING like an outsider. 

I will never forget my freshman year dorm experience with all the looks and snide comments I received by my floor mates, the guys not knowing what the hell to say or act in front of me especially when other women were around or washing my outfits in the laundry facilities. Make no mistake you are treated different by everyone.

4) Minimal to no emotional boundaries – The lure of money is always tempting. The thought of dancing and a little exhibitionist type fun can sound like fun to a young woman who has never been in a strip club but the reality of actually doing it is quite different. At some point you are dancing in a lewd and naked way in front of strange men who when drunk can be mean. You have to do private lap “dances” and none of these are like what you like doing at the bar with your friends. 

Strangers will act in a variety of out there ways. A dancer will be exposed constantly to bad and often offending things and victim feeling like actions and there is no running to mommy or daddy. Security is going to get the man to leave, maybe, but that is it. Too much of a fuss or retaliating gets your ass fired and if that eats away at you there is no way to last in the business. Most with boundaries already destroyed call it business as usual. 

Think of it this way a dancer at the minimal shows up to work wearing a barely there bikini while everyone else is dressed normally and then proceeds to take that off every hour and so for a few minutes. A dancer can do that without even blinking and that is not a normal behavior.

5) Childhood abuse or neglect, usually ongoing for a significant period. – This is always a very touchy subject for many. Strippers are well aware of the stereotype and hate being diminished by who they are by being defined by past abuse whether true or not. At the same time many childhood abuse victims who never stripped state the sad statistics of just how high this number is and therefore claim it must have no bearing because they have such a low opinion of strippers and despise their issues being in the same conversation.

The truth is most of the factors that I will have listed hear can easily come from a dysfunctional and abusive childhood. A child grows up as an outsider, no family support financially or emotionally and normal boundaries are just guesses. The fact is if you get past initial defenses of a dancer and they open up a very high percentage suffered abuse of some type often emotional or sexual at the minimum and it was more of the ongoing type then one or a few traumatic experiences. 

6) Low self esteem. - One of the go to one note excuses and most dancers have it. But I would like to point out self esteem is not a one note thing. Often people have self esteem in some aspects of their lives and might be missing in others. To think low self esteem is all consuming a person and therefore a dancer is misleading. One might think they are crap as a significant other but think highly of themselves in their profession for example. 

I found most dancers are not getting self esteem boosts because they think of themselves as physically unattractive and like the applause and money that says otherwise or they think of themselves as dumb and can do nothing better. Most though that suffer from low self esteem think society does not think much of them or care before they ever take off their clothes. Of course more times then not caused by a life with #5.

The unfortunate part for many dancers who will not depart the life better then when they came in it is that a strip club really can feel nice to many of us that are feeling me against the world that does not give a damn and just uses me up. A club is in a way a safe place where we are with other people like us or like being around us and treat us in both a way that is nice but still in a way we are comfortable with that is less then regular people do let alone grasp. For many coming from crappy pasts normal is scary as life gave us skills sets to handle non normal and people are afraid of the unknown not the known.

7) Fight part of fight or flight – Dancing is not for the timid. Women who are timid just will not make enough money, cannot handle it or get played and used up quickly. The ones who make it tend to choose fight when the fight or flight response gets engaged. In fact the whole dancer friendships and working together relationships can be the strangest thing to see or try to figure out because most are of the fight instinct.

8) Sex is not all romantic – Not really a specific factor but important to discuss but not make like it is separate. Dancing requires leaving romantic connections to one’s body either buried somewhere deep or thrown out all together. Stripping can be a good short term boost to self esteem, it can feel empowering being the center of attention and having the ability to control men of all types and be a way to make some great money that can make a dancer independent for the first time in her life. But it is a man’s world inside that club and the lifestyle around it. It means sex is not tied into romance and being sexually objectified. To paraphrase a song, “I know what boys like. Boys like looking at my body and using my holes”.

Sex is everywhere in a club even when very little is talked directly about sex. It is a commodity that is being packaged and sold and it is deeply devalued compared to the more romantic notions some have of sex. I am sure it is possible but I never personally saw a dancer that had been around long enough that deeply attached romantic notions to sex.

In the end

Women who become strippers and stay in it longer then a moment make a choice to accept being different and looked down on by society as a whole. This and the actual ability to take off our clothes in front of strangers and be reduced by people as mostly about sex requires personality traits and life experiences that are far from one note or strict type paths.

Most dancer are not man hating greedy bitches or timid, dumb, weak and poor decision making drug addicts that come from a life of being a victim of abuse that could not figure out how to just say no and that would have fixed everything.

They are often women just like all others that are complicated with a mixture of nurture and nature leaving them with tough no win options and try to do the best they can. Some do great and some do badly and everything else in between. Just like other people.

SC: Tips on Giving a Lap Dance

Stripper Chronicles - I will occasionally write on my life and times when I was dancer and what I learned and got out of it. I have found that all types of people are always asking me questions in particular about this time in my life. Although the industry likes to emphasize the occupation as a dancer, for ease of communication I usually just go with stripper.

I did not do any Google search but I imagine there are probably at least one million web pages that will give better descriptive and detailed tips then what you are about to read here. I am throwing my cheap advice more as simple cliff notes version that just remembering these things and doing them will pretty much guarantee making your man happy. I will not write about specific moves and positions as I am sure they are everywhere.

Most things I have read over time on giving a good lap dance come from two perspectives. The professional who gives tips based on just that doing it in a club. Or the woman giving tips for the wife too give a dance to the hubby. I would say my advice is a hybrid of the two. I believe most men prefer a more distinctive difference then wife being wife like and of course without the restrictive rules of a club want more then just a club dance.

I will break my tips out into two areas.

General lap dance tips

- It is not foreplay even if it is entirely about foreplay. Most doing this in private are trying to mix things up a little or give your guy a pleasant and fun new experience. The biggest key in doing that is not to tie it directly to foreplay where the mindset and routine type things we all do can control the whole thing. Make the lap dance separate and an event. Giving a lap dance after you have been making out and feeling each other up loses much of the appeal a lap dance has on a man.

For example I will often give a lap dance to Rock or a man I am entertaining as a way to go from a regular life moment to an intimate moment. The reason why is my biggest general tip which is…

- A lap dance is all about the man and not about you. I spent six plus years as a stripper and men are not paying twenty dollars for a few minutes of what I want or feel but they are also not paying that money just to get to see a naked woman up close and depending on the state feel a woman and some moments of their cock getting touched by a female body part. 

Men do not want a lap dance as an expression of love or their woman just happens to be horny. A good lap dance is made up of three things. 

1) It is an expression that the woman giving it finds the man sexually desirable. This is the biggest things and what keeps strippers rolling in the money. It is this act played between the two to convey I am more then happy to act like you make me all hot and bothered. This is why it is critical not to tie it in with you just being horny wanting to get laid and he just happens to be your man. It is your man makes you all horny.

2) A lap dance is giving over your sexuality toward how the man is geared for. In other words it is not about emotional intimacy but about visual and physical sexual attraction. In other words showing yourself in a way that lets him know they can at this time sexually objectify you in the moment. Let your man check out of having to be what society and political correctness has pounded into his head and let him just enjoy it for what it is. It is not about you feeling sexy but letting them see you as sex personified.

3) It is guys the nude parts and sexual things are important too. But the key is to still keep it from being slightly disguised foreplay. Men are more like women then society like to portray them. A lap dance devoid of #1 and #2 will not make any naked body part or grind on their penis be all that hot. But all #1 and #2 and no body parts and sexual stimulation will also be bad.

- Either commit fully or do not bother to do it. This is especially tough the first time you may attempt giving a lap dance but it is critical. You are giving a performance and maybe more times then not it will be easy because you are feeling the things you are trying to convey but still even then you are going to naturally want desired feedback as encouragement. But you will not always get every time you do something you think you should get it and it is critical not to get discouraged or trail off mentally, emotionally or back off from your dance all together. 

For example you maybe expect to hear him moan or his cock to burst through his pants when you look him right in the eye and slowly and seductively lick your lips. But if you do not get any reaction you might get discourage and the trick is not to be affected that way. A lap dance is not a buildup to something but an overall sexual performance. Let the guy be himself and he will get worked up on his own.

Specific Tips

- Create a good atmosphere. This goes to my point of not making it tied into normal couple foreplay but also like we all know still have it be a sexual atmosphere.

1) Depending on other factors do it in an uncommon place or the normal place. If you are going for some special event type thing then a change from the norm can be good. If you are more going to try to exude just how horny you are for them then doing it when they are sitting in their favorite room in their favorite place can be huge as well.

2) Change the lighting. Dim the lights or turn on ones not normally turned on and turn off the normal ones but send a signal something is different and softer tends to always be better.

3) Always have music! What is the best to dance to is not what you hear when strippers talk about music they dance to. When we talk about that we are talking about stage dancing where we need to exaggerate our moves and give off energy for the whole room as well as receive it. This will always mean loud and faster beats. The best music for sensual lap dances will be slower and softer. For Rock and my regulars I keep a play list in my IPod that I refresh frequently and have plug in stereo box just for doing this.

4) Always act like you really want to do this for him. This is a critical thing with professional strippers. The good ones that are able to get dances from men and keep them asking for dances is to create that magical illusion of we want to dance for them and not for the money. But this is still important for the amateur. A good stripper will always smile and be happy and try to convey moderate excitement when asking if we can give them a dance and from then on until the dance starts. When Rock asks for some lap dances I never not smile or go ok in a monotone voice as I head off to the bedroom to change into an outfit. I will always smile and go off in an enthusiastic way.

 - Dress the part. Again dressed how you may normally be and doing a lap dance that way can be cool but it can also be tied into standard foreplay and about you being horny which is what I wrote on above. Try to wear something that conveys sex toy. It does not have to expensive or an elaborate outfit or some uniform and can be as simply as just some sexy lingerie. I barely wear any clothes at home when the weather is warm enough and when I get asked or I want to give a lap dance to Rock or one of my regulars I will still get up and change quickly into something that at worse helps change the atmosphere. Heels are very good to wear as well. You do not need stripper heels but guys do like us wearing heels. 

- CONCENTRATE ON GOING SLOW AND TAKING LONGER ON EACH MOVE! The one thing I would emphasize in a post that you can find similar information all over the Internet. Almost every single time a new girl first starts doing lap dances they make the mistake of going too fast with every move they make. Now for many this is nerves and for people doing this for your love one nerves you may not have but trust me there might be nerves and even if there are not you will not be as slow as you think you might be if you do not concentrate on that fact. I cannot begin to count the number of conversations I had or heard to new dancers that went “you need to slow down. You are going too fast through your moves.” “No I am not.” “Yes you are” “No I am not I am being careful” “Yes you are, trust us!” This is not to say changing up your pace is not a good idea but even to do that you must recognize first if you are actually going slow or supersonic.

- Make sure you are always in control. For professionals the reason is for security but for private this again becomes about not making it foreplay and to keep conveying the “I am all hot and bothered for you”. Obviously getting your man all worked up is a goal and the lap dance is for them but letting them touch you where they want for as long as they want can defeat the many good things a lap dance is suppose to convey. Taking a man’s hands and placing them on your tits is a very hot thing for a guy. Do not toss that out by letting them just latch on and not let go. Give them a taste and move in a way that makes them break contact then go back and place them on again a little later in the dance. Do not let them pin you down if you are doing some dry humping. The lap dance is the seduction and the tease for the sex to come.

- Maintain eye contact frequently. Even if they are not looking at you if you are facing them make sure you are looking at them. Always make the dance about them in their minds.

- Always smile. Again about making the dance be about them and how you are enjoying doing this for them.

- Change up the routine and customize based on their reaction. Whether if you are to frequently give your guy lap dances or an extended lap dance session this is important. It is very easy to get into a routine and go through the motions. Most bad strippers have only 1-3 patterns to their lap dances that they act in a robotic way and the trick for a guy to spend all his money on you is him thinking the next dance will be different in some way. This advice is good for the home as well. Change up the combinations.

- Do not forget to touch yourself early and often. This one of the time old tricks professionals do to help sell the illusion that most men come to a strip club for, the illusion of a pretty woman finding them sexually desirable and wanting to dance for them and not for the $20. Many strippers the first thing they do before going into a dance or initiate body contact will fondle their tits. In fact, one trick is when performing a lap dance to the man that the first time he sees our breasts exposed up close and personal that he sees that our nipples are hard. Some dancers if they think they got a guy with money to spend might make an excuse to leave the guy in the VIP room before the next song starts up and go someplace to get them hard even to the point of running an ice cube over them. It just goes to help sell the illusion quickly. 

Men love seeing women act like sexual creatures and pulled away from always projecting love when sex is involved; this plus the always irresistible horny for them makes touching ourselves in sexual ways to be a great go to thing to wind them up. Just do not linger or put on a masturbation show as that is distracting. Another common move is when a dancer is taking a break from body contact with a little air dancing is for us to place one or a couple of fingers just inside our panties like we are playing with ourselves. 

- There men, massage their cocks. Inevitably as long as you have created a sexual atmosphere where a guy can get into it he then pretty much considers a good lap dance to be about how much and how well body contact he gets which is code for the cock being directly stimulated. Now my advice is opposite somewhat compared to the professional and the amateur. Professional are not “allowed” to touch the cock with our hand, mouth and pretty much be overt to anything touching it. Now most good lap dancers have a ton of techniques that push to break the rules in this and that includes ways for ourselves to give them a little hand action. But for amateurs I recommend little hand action as it can represent normal foreplay. But the bonus with the amateur lap dance you can be overt as you want. Any body part will do legs and feet are the most common but believe it or not the top of the head really drives the men nuts and your lips of course are a winner as well. Dry humping is a big go to but be careful to use it as a move among many and not some main thing.

- Last by not least leave them hanging when the song ends. When the song ends most strippers will go back to a move the man seemed to really like or one of those rule breaking ones that they all like. Of course we do that so they will want another dance. But this is good for the obvious reasons when done for our guy. Whether for another dance or moving onto more standard foreplay best to leave them with the happiest and horniest thoughts!

Remember to have fun and embrace being the sex toy for your guy! I know they want and appreciate those thoughts greatly.

SC: Stripping and Being a Nympho

Stripping and Sex Chronicles - I will occasionally write on these subjects that do not really have anything directly with being a hotwife sex object/toy. I do this for two reasons, they are topics of interest on my part and people are always asking me questions in particular about my past as a stripper. Although the industry likes to emphasize the occupation as a dancer, for ease of communication I always just go with stripper.

I am open about my life. People who have my past tend to be either too much information or too little. I tend to be the too much information type and part of not having any family by blood and my volunteer work with children that were like me I tend to like to shake people a little who are more numbed by how most talk about things. So in this case I am not ashamed of my past as a stripper or do I hide my battles with my compulsions I have to deal with which one is sexual.

The common question I get when people know these two particular things about me is did I go into stripping because of my sex addiction and did stripping hurt as in part of a downward spiral with my sex addiction.

Well the answer is not one part of me became a stripper because of my sex compulsion. As it turned out it actually helped, not that I would recommend it for others. First I started to learn, deal and control my compulsion almost two years before I started stripping and had my downward spiral and hitting bottom already. I was worried about how it would affect me but other factors made me not hesitate going into the profession.

What I found out was the energy given out and the sexual nature of the job help dissipate my sexual drive. I worked full time for six years which was pretty much 4-5 shifts a week. A shift of dancing, dealing with men and just the whole atmosphere allowed me not so much to exchange it with sex but allowed my sexual cravings to not add up which compulsion is a huge thing as the desperation to get the itch scratches builds and builds and stupid and dangerous behavior follows.

Now do not get me wrong there is a difference between being horny and enjoying sex and the irrational craving and coping self medication of someone feeding a compulsion. I was not remotely celibate during my years dancing but it was helpful in dealing with the craving aspect.

I want to write more in depth later about why do women and in particular I go into a profession like stripping later but the ultra quick answer to why for me was to provide a roof over my head and food in my stomach.