Chicken or the Egg

Spark or the horniness?

Had a poor convergence of circumstances happen to me starting this week. Rock left to go on a business trip and Rebound much too why I nicknamed him Rebound found a girl he is infatuated with and therefore will no longer use my body for his sexual needs until next time he is completely single. Shock said he would try to come over sometime this week but I could tell from the words he sounded like I should not hold my breath. On top of that I have various regular stuff that has a lot of my time this week that even if I got the desire to go out looking for a good time is somewhat limited and I try to be careful in doing that.

I am not a Craiglist type slut. I feel I am often torn between the two realms, the group that takes their time and lays a foundation before partaking in sexual pleasures with others and the adrenaline need now quick and basically anonymous. I refuse to do the place an ad and meet, fuck and go our separate way thing. Too close to my history and battle with sexual compulsion and safety issues. I think people get behind their computer and lie too often that without meeting them off guard or take the time to see them when they let their guard down you are really throwing the dice.

Now I am not judging those who do this even remotely. I have a long list that will continue to get longer of all the quick spontaneous blows and fucks I have done and many more picking up a person and into a bed with them shortly there after maybe an hour or so of talk. I know that in the end that this is just splitting hairs.

But I like and feel more comfortable with out there meeting first then turning it into something sexual over the gearing sexual and just that only or ending up sexually after meeting them but where both have invested in making it sexual. There is some pressure in that to me at least.

I like the spark determining things. Whether a innocent casual conversation turns into afternoon tryst or two people are so physically attracted to one another that the words seem to be only slowing what we both know what is going to happen down. Granted that only happens on a rare occasion but a girl can fantasize.

So I am stuck with my hands and some toys for most of this week for my sexual fun. I started to write this entry based on the poor substitute masturbation is to the real thing but got a little side tracked. Well for another time…